FF - Always Bet On Black

It's a bit late in the day for me to proffer my Friday Funnies, but I've been in a shitty mood all day due to the weather, work issues, and a general malaise that hit me a couple of days ago and hasn't departed yet. But it's Friday, and a deadline's a deadline, so....

I'd be remiss if I didn't give a Huzzah!!!! to Wesley Snipes for miraculously surviving a thorny tax litigation against the I.R.S.. He was originally indicted on six counts of willful failure to file tax returns from 1999-2004, a period of time which, as luck would have it, coincided with his signing of two contracts worth more than $10 million for his crappy Blade sequels. Imagine being able to pocket $10 million without having to give a dime to the government. Wouldn't that be nice? I think it would.

Wezzzzzley initially based his tax stand on a claim that he was a "tax protester," i.e., he was opposed to paying taxes for political/civil rights reasons and deemed the I.R.S. an illegitimate authority. When his penalties began to mount and his lawyers understood that this frivolous argument wouldn't wash in court, they switched gears to an "I was duped by my tax advisors" theory. I guess some jury bought it, which should not surprise you since his trial took place in Florida. (P.S. If I ever get accused of anything, I want to be tried in Florida or Southern California.) But Wezzzz didn't escape entirely unscathed. While he was acquitted of the most serious charges, he was found guilty of three counts of failure to file tax returns, for which he technically, possibly, might even, but-really-there's-no-way-in-hell-he-will face a one-year jail term on each count. My guess is he ends up paying a massive fine, goes on probation, and then makes it all back in White Men REALLY Can't Jump, the sequel.

Not to go off on a rant here, but... okay, I will. Every time I see a "tax protester" who claims that he or she shouldn't have to pay any taxes as a matter of civil rights, all I hear is "Cheap Ass Motherfucker Who Wants To Enjoy The Privileges Of The Social Contract But Not Pay For It." These parasites think it's okay not to pay taxes while the rest of us have our wages garnished each week upwards of 30% to pay for shit like public transportation, the police, sanitation, the military, public water, sewage treatment, and snow plows. Their protest isn't exactly noble given their convenient willingness to live off of the rest of society. I hate paying taxes as much as anyone -- everytime I get my paycheck it seems like half of it's been taken in taxes. I also hate some of the ways my tax dollars are used, including, but not limited to, the bankrolling of a money-sucking pit of a war I don't support, the subsidization of dying and/or flourishing industries in this country like family farms and agribusiness, and the egregious pork that our elected officials squeeze into every single appropriations bill, like an Alaskan Bridge to Nowhere that would have cost $315 million dollars to build, had the outcry not forced the morons to abandon the project (though Alaska still got a big chunk of change). And then there's the secret stuff no one knows about, like CIA bribe money that goes to dictators, mercenaries, and other bad people all over the world. If I had my druthers, I'd rather not support this shit with the fruits of my labors.

But I understand the quid pro quo involved here and that taxes go with the territory. I pay taxes, and in return I get to live in a great city with decent police protection, and a subway that will take you anywhere, at virtually any time of day or night, for $2.50. As Larry David would say, that's pret-ty, pret-ty, pret-ty, pret-ty, pret-ty good.

If I pay taxes and you pay taxes, why should a fucking actor like Wesley Snipes be exempt? Especially when the bastard made more in those "protesting" five years than I'll make in my entire life? Protestor, my ass.

Gee, this blog wasn't so funny after all, was it? That's what I get for trying to do an FF when I'm in a bad mood.