Client 9

[Ed.: Draw your own conclusions]

I'd intended to post something completely different today, but it'll have to wait, because today, here in New York, we discovered that our Governor of one year, Eliot "Dudley Do Right" Spitzer is a "John," the most high profile John to come along in years. If you haven't heard, The New York Times disclosed today that Governor Spitzer solicited a prostitute for fun and games in a Washington hotel last February 13th. Yes indeedy. Governor. Spitzer. Prostitute. Say it ten times fast.

This is truly shocking news. Before becoming Governor, Spitzer served as New York's Attorney General, i.e., the State's chief prosecutor, for eight years. In his former life, he was highly respected and prosecuted all kinds of bad guys, including insider traders, abusive mortgage lenders, and uh... prostitution rings. I can't overstate how squeaky clean this guy's reputation was before today. Time Magazine named him "Crusader of the Year" during his tenure as Attorney General, and the tabloids even compared him to Eliot Ness, for his reputation in rooting out corruption. He's also a family man, with three daughters.

And now this happens. He gets tagged soliciting The Emperor's Club, an "upscale" prostitution ring that advertised on the web and charged clients as much as $5500 per hour (usury if you ask me!) for the best performing hoooo-ahs, who were ranked with seven "diamonds." Lower-tiered one and two diamonds, by contrast, cost much less, and thus were a real bargain. [Tangent alert: Really, why the big upcharge for the seven diamonds? What extra perks do I, I mean, would a CLIENT get for that kind of cash? I really think the New York Times needs to look into this.]

I can't think of a higher fall from grace since President Clinton spitzered Monica's dress. Actually, this one is far more shocking, because Bubba already had a reputation for sticking Willie in all the wong places before he was elected; Spitzer is the complete opposite. Before this, he enjoyed a rock solid, law and order reputation for always doing the right thing. We weren't so surprised when Clinton got nailed for his extramarital dalliance, one of several he engaged in. By comparison, this news about Spitzer comes out of left field.

It just goes to show you, once again, that everyone has a dark side. The flesh, as they say, is weak. Weak, weak, weak.

Now, if you're like me, you wants ALL the details when it comes to a good ol' fashioned sex scandal. So in the name of full disclosure and assisting the public welfare in getting to the bottom of this mess, below is a cut and paste of an msnbc.com article describing an affidavit filed in the case against "Client 9," Governor Spitzer:

The prostitute would take a train from Penn Station to D.C. and Client 9 "would be paying for everything-train tickets, cab fare from the hotel and back, mini-bar or room service, travel time and hotel."

The members decided that even though Client 9 had a credit of $400 to $500 with the ring, they wouldn't let him keep the appointment until his latest deposit arrived. Client 9 made the calls himself.

On Feb. 13, according to the affidavit, Client 9 made a hotel reservation in D.C. under his name and left a key for a woman named "Kristen."

Client 9 was eventually told his deposit had arrived and "Kristen" was on her way from New York. Client 9 responded, "Great, OK, wonderful."

Client 9 discussed with the prostitution ring a way for him to have credit stored up so that he wouldn't have to worry about sending in a deposit in the future.

Then they discussed a way for "Kristen" to get his hotel room key once she arrived.

"Kristen" was sent to room 871, which Client 9 was leaving ajar; Client 9 wanted to be reminded of what she looked like and was told "American, petite, very pretty brunette, five feet five inches, and 105 pounds."

Apparently the session went from 9:36 p.m. when "Kristen" arrived in the room, until 12:02 a.m., although it appears she waited a bit for Client 9.

"Kristen" said the appointment went "very well."

"Kristen" said "that she liked him and did not think he was difficult." She collected $4,300 from Client 9.

"Kristen" and her bosses in New York also discussed Client 9's sexual preferences and whether he had asked "you to do things that, like, you might not think were safe."

"Kristen" appears to have been OK with whatever went on in Room 871.

"Kristen" stayed overnight in D.C. and took the train back to New York the next day.

Forty-three hundred smacker-o-nis! Damn, how much are we paying governors these days? Plainly, it's too much if they can afford the best hookers money can buy. Just another example of politicians screwing the working class. Littraaally! They should have to slum it on Craigslist, just like everyone else. But hey, at least Kristen was okay with what happened in Room 871. All that's left now is to flesh out (cough) more of the details. How perfectly symmetrical would it be if it turned out that our former Crusader of the Year had a penchant for handcuffs and blindfolds? Pretty please?

Reading between the lines, it's clear that this wasn't Client 9's first time foraging in Hooker Forest. This is going to get f-u-g-l-y and he ain't got no alibi.