Now hear this! Now hear this! Heat Miser has taken control of the world and is firmly in charge! Do NOT question his A-THOR-I-TAI! Anyone who complains about the heat will be immediately vaporized! You will be rationed 1 stick of deodorant per three months and 1 gallon of water per week. Anyone who questions the availability of deodorant or water will be vaporized!
Have a nice day and enjoy the great weather!
Editor's Note: It is going to hit 70 in Brooklyn today. 70. In Brooklyn, New York. In January. If you still think there is no such thing as global warming as you ponder the question while driving around in your gas guzzling SUV, sipping your chocamochafrappalatte, please record your ignorant views on a tape recorder or MP3 player and bury the tape in your backyard or a local park with an easily seen marker. Please make sure that the marker is at least 8 feet tall so that in the year 2600, when the Earth is a vast desert and looks just like Mars, it won't be covered by sand dunes when the aliens come looking for it. They're going to want that tape as further evidence of why human beings were so stupid and ignorant that they killed themselves off by always, always putting their own individual needs and wants first.
Second Editor's Note: The above assumes of course that we don't obliterate ourselves in a nuclear war first, which would have the same effect. I'm putting my money on a nuclear war. Definitely.
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