Semilucid Thoughts at 1:00 a.m.

Ever feel like you've known someone you just met for a long time? If you feel that way, is it real or just in your head? And what are feelings? Chemical bursts between nerve synapses or something more?

The Yankees are a fucking vampire this year. They won't friggin' die. Fourteen games out in May, now it's four. L.A. Angels, I've got a hammer, won't you be my wooden stake?

I've gone and grown a goattee. Took me ten minutes. Take that, all you 6-foot, hairless Aryan Davidoff Cool Water pansies out there. Man's gotta fit in with the Williamsburg hipsterati somehow. I swear i got better service at the Roebling Tea Room last night with this thing on.

Quisp and The Great Gazoo notwithstanding, Californication is definitely my new favorite show. The dialogue is hilarious and Duchovny's character is the just the type of philandering lost soul that I love to watch. He plays the lead perfectly and is laugh out loud funny with some of the lines that come out of his mouth. Throw in a lot of timely nudity, which is of course crucial to the plotline, and we've got ourselves a winner! Two thumbs up, way up.

Why am I still up? I need to start going to bed earlier. Fuggit, I'll start tomorrow night.

Here are some significant events that occurred in the Year of Our Lord, 1983: Ronald Reagan, who always had a way with words, calls the Soviet Union an "evil empire"; Swatch introduces its first watches; the movie Gandhi wins 8 Oscars; Return of the Jedi opens in the U.S.; Benigno Aquino Jr., a political opposition leader in the Philippines, is assassinated when he returns from exile to Manila; Korean Air Flight 007 is shot down by the Soviet Union; Vanessa Williams is the first African-American woman to be crowned Miss America; in a related story, Hooters opens its first establishment in Clearwater, Florida; simultaneous suicide truck bombings in Beirut kill 241 Marines, 58 French paratroopers, and 6 Lebanese civilians; Ronald Reagan signs a bill making Martin Luther King Jr. day a national holiday. Dang, that was a long time ago. How old was I, fifteen?

But I'm not done. Michael Jackson's Thriller dominated the charts, as did Quiet Riot's Metal Health, becoming the first heavy metal album to go to number 1 on the pop charts. This is Kasey Kasem. Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars. And keep your radio station tuned right where it is. I miss Kasey. Whatever happened to him?

I'll say it: I really like cheese. No, I LOVE cheese. I'll eat cheddar cheese, goat cheese, manchego, mozzarella, provolone, muenster, cottage, monterey jack, swiss, you name it. There are very few cheeses I don't like. I don't like blue cheese, for example. Or head cheese. Head and cheese just don't belong together. I wonder why I like cheese so much. It certainly doesn't help my waistline. I wonder if I was a cheesemaker in a past life?

Got my hairs cut today. I like short, low maintenance hair now. As a kid, I liked long hair that covered my ears because I thought my ears were too big. If they tried to cut my hair over my ears, I would throw a hissy fit. The downside was that I often looked like a young, male version of Dorothy Hamill. Good thing I was too clueless back then to care. I don't know what I was thinking. Now I keep it short for a variety of reasons -- it's easier to take care of, and there's much less of it available. Dear old Mama tried to tell me a year ago that I should grow it back out because she liked it a little longer. I was like, have you looked at my head lately? Do you want me to look like one of those old, hippie, motorcycle dudes who have long hair down to the middle of their back but the only thing you notice is the ridiculous patch of bald underneath? Idon'tthinkso. I've got what I got and I'm riding this hair train until it's gone.

I can't decide if Michael Vick is more stupid or inhumane. It's a tough call. He just threw away a $130 million contract so he could run a dog fighting gambling ring at his house. I'm going with stupid. Sick fuck.

Everytime my mother visits Italy, there's a major terrorist incident somewhere. She was there during 9/11 and in July 2005, during the London subway bombing. She's there now, so keep your heads down, peeps. Something wicked this way comes.

Okay, the Yankees just lost. Sox are still up by 5. Now I can go to sleep.