Why I'll Never Try Yoga

I'm not the most flexible person. I'm talking in the physical sense, though some people who know me probably wouldn't use a qualifier. I never stretch enough, even on those rare occasions when I go to the gym, and at least twice a year I pull a muscle in my back doing the most innocuous things, like reaching for my alarm clock in the morning or just bending down to pick up a pen. I've heard about the yoga craze, and more than one person has suggested I give yoga a try because yes, I'm getting older and have back issues. Yoga will loosen me up, they say. It merges the physical and spiritual. You'll love it, they say. Here's why it'll never happen (footnote to AllCarbon):

Guess I'll just have to suffer.