Demagoguery

Demagogue: a leader who makes use of popular prejudices and false claims and promises in order to gain power

-- Merriam-Webster Dictionary

I must say that the amount of b.s. being thrown around by the presidential candidates in this early stage of the '08 election season has even me astounded. I mean they REALLY think we're stupid. Really, truly, and verily. On the left, we've got Hillary, who, to her credit, understands she's widely disliked and is desperate to do something about it. Unfortunately, it's not too easy to get rid of high negative approval ratings, just ask Georgie Porgie. People think she's too dour, too calculated, and too premeditated. Apparently, it's okay if you want to be President, just don't act like you want it too much. It turns people off. We like our Presidents to be lukewarm in their ambitions. Not too hungry. We don't much like intellectuals either. Don't want know-it-all smarty pants like Al Gore and John Kerry running the country. No, we like Presidents you can sit down and have a beer with. Presidents who use nicknames. C+ students. So Hillary, who is actually kinda smart, has a lot of work to do to dumb herself down for us. First order of business, she's gotta lighten the hell up. Smile a lot more. And laugh at anything and everything, like a happy-go-lucky cuckoo bird who's in on a joke that no one else understands.

Looks like she's off to a great start:



Sheesh. Tone it down, Hill! It's not that fucking funny. And you don't need to work so hard to come across as likeable. We're so fed up with mediocrity, cronyism, and baldfaced lies in the White House that even someone as unlikeable as you has a sporting chance to be President. Just keep talkin' smart and shit.

On the right it's WAY worse. First we've got Mitt "I never met a position I didn't like" Romney, who has flip-flopped more times than a suffocating trout. When he ran for governor of the Liberal State of Massachusetts, he was decidedly pro choice, in favor of gay rights and pro-gun control. He also supported a universal health care program in Massachusetts that became a model for other states. Mmmmm, might be why he won. But now ole Mittie's running for President, so he has to appeal to rednecks, evangelicals, and rich people, i.e. hard-core Republicans. All of a sudden, Mr. Helmet Hair is pro life, against gay rights, and loooooves firearms! Universal health care? That's for commies like Hillary. He's even said he wants to open a few more Guantanamo Bays. Niiiice. Torture and imprisonment without due process fits in nicely with those Mormon values, don't they Mitt? The guy's a joke. I hope he gets the nomination so I can buy myself 10 pairs of flip-flops to whip at his perfectly coiffed head.

Ah, but Mitt's not even the worst one. Mr. 9/11 himself, Rudolph Giuliani, has him beat hands down. The following is a summary of Rudy's election strategy:

9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11.

And oh yeah, don't forget 9/11. That's Rudy's platform. Iraq? Don't fucking ask him about Iraq! Irrelevant. There are terrorists there and that's all you need to know. Health care? What's that? You want to give universal health care to terrorists??? Shame on you. Energy alternatives? Global warming? A Palestinian State? WTF is wrong with you people? No, no, no, childrens. It's all about the TERRORISM!!! You need to keep your eye on the ball. Have you forgotten 9/11 already? Let Uncle Rudy remind you. Get up on his lap and let him tell you a little story about a day they call 9/11.

9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11.

Jesus, the guy is as cynical as they come, and his transparent use of the 9/11 tragedy to get elected is pathetic and obscene. But he knows it's the only thing he's got going for him, so he's workin' it y'all. I mean, if red meat Republicans start focusing on his liberal policies as mayor -- strongly pro gay rights, pro choice, pro gun control -- he's dead in the water. And if all three African-American Republican voters review Rudy's record on race when he was Mayor, they won't like what they see. So with Rudy, it's a snake oil strategy of fear mongering, 9/11, and terrorism. Think you know something about terrorism? You don't know shit. You weren't there, walking through the dust like Rudy was. You have no RIGHT to express an opinion on it. Only Rudy does. That's right Rudy, make 'em all poop their pants with fear to get elected. It worked in '04, didn't it? An awful lot of people are still buying it.

Maybe we are stupid after all.

I mean, look at how people reacted to the ridiculous MoveOn.org ad that came out a few weeks ago about General Petraeus. Here it is. The backstory is that Bush is so weak politically, in order to defend his war policy, he had to send out a well-liked and respected general to uh, smooth out the facts for him with the American people. Put some glossy lipstick on a pig, so to speak. The surge is working, we're making progress, etc. Well, MoveOn.org called Bush and Petraeus out on it in their ad, suggesting that he was "betraying us" with his testimony.

Awwwwww sheeyit.

Judging from the self-serving, hyperbolic indignation that we heard from Republicans immediately after the ad came out, you would have thought someone took a dump on an American flag on the Capitol steps. "Condemn the MoveOn.org ad!" they demanded of every chicken-necked Democrat they could find. Deep down though, the Pubs were happy because they had something they could use to distract voters from their position on the war. When Hillary suggested during Petraeus' hearing that his testimony about how well things were going in Iraq required a willing suspension of disbelief, Rudy 9/11 pounced! He demanded an "apology" from Hillary, not just to the general, but to all the American troops. He accused her of "turning her back" on America's soldiers "just when our troops need all our support to finish the job." He said she was "joining with" Moveon.Org and "attacking" General Petraeus.

Can I sell ya some snake url?

It's amazing, it really is. What they think we'll believe. They don't want to talk about the Iraq War and how bad it's going, so they will jump on anything to change the subject. But a political ad? Even that surprised me. Query: why the fuck should anyone apologize for, or condemn, a political ad that they were not responsible for creating? And as Michael Kinsley appropriately points out in this week's Time, if Rudy 9/11 is suggesting that it's wrong for a Senator to express skepticism about anything said by a general in uniform, then he doesn't understand how a democracy works.

Seriously, the hypocrisy here is nauseating. This absurdly fake umbrage is brought to you by the same people who had no problem with the ads that "swift boated" two decorated Vietnam War veterans, John Kerry and Max Cleland, a few years ago, when they were running for office.

Don't know what I'm talking about? I'll let my buddy Bill splain it to you:


It's demagoguery, folks. Like the snake oil salesmen of old, who were trying to get your dollar by promising the ignorant and naive the fountain of youth, today's charlatans are trying to get our votes with political shell games, lies, and misdirection. Why do they do it? Because it works.

So..... how stupid are we going to be this time? That's a lot of snake oil out there. A lot of bridges to buy.