Doggy Dreams

The polls are closed and the winner by two dog lengths is Black Labrador! Thanks to all who voted and assisted me in my quest for unconditional love. Surprisingly, the Chihuahua got no votes at all.... I guess people were concerned about my already borderline 'mo image, with all those murses I'm carting around (more about that soon). Unfortunately for all those who voted for the winning dog, I like Boston Terriers better than Black Labs, who grow too big and shed way too much for my taste. I do like the low energy aspect of Black Labs though. And they catch frisbees and steal neighbors' shoes; I don't think BTs do either. Hmmmm.

But let's get real. I work long hours, am rarely home during the workweek, and fall under the category of anal-retentive bastard when it comes to keeping my apartment spotless and stink free. So the correct answer to this poll is the last choice, selected by only one of my insightful readers, who shall remain nameless until he/she decides to out himself/herself in a comment, which I predict will happen within seconds of reading this, in a blatantly immodest act of self-imposed glory. At this juncture, I don't think I can handle a daily ritual of poop-scooping, paying 100 clams a week for a dog walker, and having my nice furniture torn up by a misguided canine friend. And then there's those infamous Boston Terrier dogfarts, which I experienced firsthand a couple of years ago whilst visiting the friends of an ex who owned two gassy BTs. Seriously, they were letting them rip every three minutes, and ohhhhh the stink! There was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. The smell of half-digested god-knows-what lingered forever and would not leave. Then the two perpetrators had the unmitigated gall to look over at ME with accusing eyes, as if I had done it! Can you believe it? I thought only people played the smelt-it, dealt-it game. Guess I was wrong. On the plus side, a regularly farting dog would serve as a convenient cover for my own gas-passing, but I still think the cons outweigh the pros -- I don't get enough visitors to make it worthwhile.

So for now, it looks like I'll be staying dog-free while giving this more thought. A dead-end relationship and conditional love just might be cheaper and easier than caring for a dog. Fewer farts too.