Who took my electric blue Maserati Grand Turismo, stuck it in the middle of Grand Central, and then roped it off so I can't get to it? (Get your F'N hands OFF my car, plebeians!!)
What is so compelling about the show Tell Me You Love Me to someone who isn't even married?
When are you people going to learn to RESPECT my authoritai and vote on my poll questions? Too far for you lazies to roll the mouse? Dang.
Where's my Hassenpfeffer?
Why do I enjoy international-phone-text-trash-talking with a particularly mouthy Scottish Celtic fan every time Celtic plays A.C. Milan? Her team won yesterday, on a cheap goal as time expired. I guess the sun can't shine on the same dog's ass every day of the week.
Last verse, same as the first
Who is going to be my wingman this fall? (Somebody, any-fucking-buddy!)
What makes me think I can tolerate a dog when a sock on the floor makes my left eye twitch?
When did drafting privilege logs become such a thorn in the anus? Can't we just produce everything and call it a day?
Where is my job satisfaction? Have you seen it anywhere, because I haven't.
Why can't I get paid thousands of dollars to blog for a living?
Last verse, same as the first
Who else thinks that Another One Bites The Dust can't be played at any fewer than 300,000,000 decibels?
What would possess someone to write about monkey pee? (And enjoy it!)
When did my married friends' suburban McMansion parties become so fucking intolerable?
Where the hell is my life going, precisely?
Why should I care? We all end up in the same place.
5 comments:
1st - You cannot have a "murse" and a chihuahua. or a boston terrier for that matter. you just can't. girls will run. (oh, wait, you live in williamsburg....hmmmm, still, even those girls will probably flee - but that's becuase of your suit, not the murse)
2nd - Tell Me You Love Me is unwatchable. Those people are all completely miserable self-absorbed and that old grey haired lady is really gonna help them figure their sexual frustrations out? i don't get it.
3rd - when weren't the mcmansion parties intolerable?
4th - the monkey pee was too disgusting for me to even finish reading, sorry.
The rest of your questions....those are all too hard.
@KG:
1. Murses and doggies, and suits that fit nicely, plasmas and Stella, and girls who are sprightly, heavy rock music played so loud it stings, these are a few of my favorite things.
2. Uh, not nearly so self-absorbed as those yuppie whiners from Thirtysomething. Admit it, you watched it.
3. You've got me on this one. Sister J. threw a pretty raucous one a couple years ago though. Cousin P. even got nakes and jumped in the pool (no kids were present).
4. Try it, you might like it.
1. If I wanted to watch a show about self-absorbed nitwits and their miserable marriages, I'd hang my head out the window of my apartment.
2. I can make hassenpfeffer for you, I'm of German descent.
3. I voted.
4. For a Labrador, because frankly, there is no other breed. Bostons are adorable but super high energy. I'm thinking you'd be better suited to low- to no energy dog. Just a guess.
5. They shed. And they smell. But they are the best thing in the world. If you get the dog, I'm coming over to visit. A lot.
6. Job satisfaction: wherever mine is, which is to say, no where in the immediate universe.
7. I don't know about money for blogging, but I've received a bottle of wine, free Broadway tickets and a shitload of Aveda product, so there's that.
uh, T - 30something was on when I still had a "bedtime" ;-)
and from all i hear about J. - the locale doesn't matter for it to be a rockin' good time.
ST - NYC is crawling with the self-absorbed, very true. I'm a big fan of the hassenpfeffer, so I may take you up on that. Thank you for your vote. A black lab, I don't know. They get kinda big. I need a small dog. I hear what you're saying on the high energy thing -- I hadn't thought of that. Smells and hair... and dog walker fees. I'd better think carefully about this. Maybe a dead-end relationship with conditional love would be easier to deal with.
How the hell did you get that stuff from blogging? Crazed fan?
KG - okay, I dated myself with that Thirtysomething reference.
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