The Rocket's Red Glare

Well, what have we here? This Roger Clemens saga keeps getting more and more bizarre. If you haven't been following, here's the Cliff's Notes: Roger a/k/a The Rocket a/k/a arguably the best baseball pitcher in the past 100 years, was recently implicated in a steroids scandal by his former trainer, Brian McNamee. McNamee claims that he injected Roger with human growth hormone and steroids 16 times towards the tail end of his career (no pun intended). Roger, of course, denies it. He claims that the only injections he received in the ass were Vitamin B-12 shots.

What's followed has been a high-stakes, winner-take-all public relations campaign, with each calling the other a liar to anyone who will listen. Desperate to save his reputation and his Hall of Fame legacy, Roger appeared on 60 Minutes, denying everything in a not very convincing interview with Mike Wallace, and shortly thereafter, gave a raucous press conference in which he excoriated the press for prejudging him. Then he played a secret tape of a conversation he had with McNamee, which he said would exonerate him. In actuality, the tape made him look worse. Clemens didn't call McNamee a liar, he didn't accuse of him of dragging his name through the mud, he didn't call him all those nasty swearwords you would have expected. The Rocket, who's known for having a bit of a temper, didn't even raise his voice. The phone call was almost friendly. It was obvious that Roger was trying to entrap McNamee, and McNamee, who's a bit of a weasel himself, didn't bite.

So a few days ago, Roger testifies before Congress in a private session and denies everything. He doesn't take the Fifth, he doesn't admit he used HGH or steroids, he denies it all. Under oath. Which means perjury and possible jail time if it turns out that he lied. Then it was McNamee's turn to testify. But here's a twist. McNamee brings to his deposition a package containing the following: used needles, bloodstained gauze pads, and an old, crumpled Miller Lite beer can, where he says he put the used needles after Clemens used them several years ago. This evidence, he claims, contain HGH and steroid residue, along with Clemens' DNA. Oh my! It's the baseball version of Monica Lewinsky's blue dress! Unbelievable. Why did McNamee save this stuff for seven years, you ask? According to him, it's because he's an ex-cop, it's evidence, and his intuition told him that someday he might need it to defend himself. And he didn't trust Clemens, apparently for good reason. You see, HGH and steroids are illegal. So is lying to Congress. So McNamee saved the evidence to cover his ass. Wise decision.

But that's not all. Roger Clemens isn't the only person McNamee says he injected with performance-enhancing drugs. McNamee claims he also injected Andy Pettite and Chuck Knoblauch with HGH. Knoblauch is a former Yankee second baseman. Pettite is a current Yankee pitcher, close friend of Clemens, and most importantly, a born again Christian, who takes his religion extremely seriously (cheating notwithstanding). Knoblauch, who doesn't play anymore, hasn't denied McNamee's accusations. Pettite, to his credit, admitted that McNamee injected him with HGH twice, when he was trying to recover from elbow problems. Pettite's admission blew a big hole in Clemens' PR strategy of denigrating McNamee.

But that's still not all. Yesterday Clemens' case hit a nadir when McNamee disclosed that he also injected Clemens' wife, Debbie Clemens, with HGH. Now why in the world, you wonder? She's a housewife with four kids and all the money in the world. Why the hell would she want to use HGH? Well, you see, a few years ago, Sports Illustrated came out with a pictorial of players and their wives to accompany their annual Swimsuit Issue, which comes out in February (speaking of which, note to self, pick up the SI Swimsuit Issue). A bunch of players' wives appeared in the issue, including Debbie Clemens. Her picture appears above. Notice how relaxed and happy Roger looks. It turns out, according to McNamee, that Debbie wanted to look ripped for her photo shoot. It's understandable how she might want to get into decent shape before being splashed across the pages of hundreds of thousands of magazines in a bikini. But like her husband, she decided to take a shortcut. With Roger's consent and involvement, McNamee injected Debbie Clemens with HGH to speed up the hotness process. Or McNamee alleges that he did. "Alleges" is a word lawyers use when accusations have yet to be proven. McNamee claims he did this. What's telling though, is that neither Clemens nor his lawyers have denied it.

(She looks great though, doesn't she? Check out those arms, those abs! My, my.)

Roger Clemens is going to testify before Congress next Wednesday in a public hearing that I personally hope to watch on the Internets while I'm supposed to be working. Unlike before, he's now aware that McNamee has turned over the HGH and steroid paraphernalia to Congress. He's also aware of McNamee's revelation regarding his wife and that Pettite testified before Congress last week. Who knows what Honest Andy told them?

It's going to be high theater, folks. The Rocket is either going to continue to deny, deny, deny, in which case he could go to jail if it's later found he committed perjury, or he'll come clean and admit everything. Or perhaps he'll take the Fifth Amendment after all, and refuse to testify. Which do you expect? My bet is on the first one. Roger has always been a stubborn MoFo and a little deluded about himself. He probably thinks he can still get out of this mess. What he doesn't understand is that this time, it's Congress who will be throwing the brushback pitches, not him. I'm guessing that once he's under those hot lights for all the world to see, The Rocket's in for a crash landing. Get the popcorn.