Thursday, March 13, 2008

Meet Kristen



This is Kristen. Kristen is 22. Kristen is not her real name. Kristen's real name is Ashley Alexandra Dupre, actually no, Kristen's real name is Ashley Youmans. Kristen is a former employee of The Emperor's Club VIP. Kristen is a petite brunette. Kristen is 5'5" and weighs 105 pounds. Kristen charged over $1000 per hour. Kristen is expensive. Kristen has more pictures here. Kristen practices safe sex. Kristen is pragmatic. Kristen knew what she was doing. Kristen is from New Jersey. Kristen left home when she was 17. Kristen says she was abused. Kristen is not a monster. Kristen is an aspiring musician. Kristen moved to Manhattan. Kristen's influences are: her brother, Etta James, Aretha Franklin, Celine Dion, Christina Aguilera, Frank Sinatra, Patsy Cline, Carly Simon, Diana Krall, Madonna, Whitney Houston, Mary J. Blige, Mariah Carey, Alicia Keys, Aerosmith, Lauryn Hill, Keisha Cole, U2, Jack Johnson, Vivian Green. Kristen has a Myspace page. Kristen abused drugs. Kristen has been broke and homeless. Kristen has been to North Carolina, Miami, Texas, and yes, Washington, D.C. Kristen traveled across state lines on February 13th to have sex with the soon-to-be-former New York Governor at the Mayflower Hotel. Kristen got paid for it. Kristen has a blog. Kristen had a boyfriend who fathered two children. Kristen owns an entertainment company called Pasche New York. Kristen believes in The Law of Attraction. Kristen says she isn't sleeping well right now. Kristen is a survivor. Kristen was not the only prostitute Eliot Spitzer had sex with, only the last one (that we know about). Kristen didn't bring down the Governor, the Governor brought himself down. Kristen has no comment on how many times she had sex with Spitzer. Kristen is having her 15 minutes. Kristen has spent the last few days in her ninth-floor apartment in the Flatiron. Kristen recently testified against The Emperor's Club in a U.S. Magistrate Court. Kristen has been subpoenaed to testify in a grand jury investigation. Kristen is the new Monica Lewinsky, the new Christine Keeler. Kristen will probably write a book. Kristen will get published before I do.

4 comments:

Sally Tomato said...

Last line: brilliant. Well done!

Tim said...

Thanks, Sally. Of all that's happened, I find the last line to be the biggest tragedy of all.

Anonymous said...

I know. Did Hemingway have to sleep with a governor? No... I think not. He would beat UP a governor, and then drink all of his wine. THAT'S a writer, dude.

Tim said...

I'd sleep with a governor if it would get me published. Don't tell anyone.