American Pastoral

You know, I wasn't even going to bring this up. I'm not someone who believes that Presidential candidates should be held to kooky statements made by pastors. Let's be real, the only reason Presidential candidates bring up religion at all during campaigns and kiss the golden, righteous asses of religious leaders is to get votes. Evangelical leaders happen to have played a significant role in the last two Presidential elections, so political advisors are telling McCain and Obama to court religious endorsements with a fervor that equals the rabid delusion of The Believers. It's about votes. Otherwise, my personal view is neither McCain nor Obama could give a flying fuck about the views of religious people or pastors or reverends or priests or rabbis or mullahs or clerics. They wouldn't risk a blind reach into the vat of hypocrisy if they could avoid it. It's about votes, pure and simple.

Again, I wasn't going to bring this up, but since everyone is ripping Obama a new one for every word that comes out of Reverend Jeremiah Wright's mouth, as well as that new kook whose name I don't even know who just insulted the Clintons, I have to ask, why isn't McCain getting the same treatment? Have you seen the kooks, I mean "spiritual guides," who have endorsed him?

Get a load of this asshat, Pastor Rod Parsley:





I wouldn't want that parsley on my entree!

Or how about this hippo, Pastor John Hagee, whose endorsement McCain recently was forced to renounce?





Eesh. It's amazing that I live in the same country as these idiots and the hundreds of thousands of deluded nutjobs who follow them. Scar-ey. Again, I wouldn't bring this up, but I think Obama's getting a one-way kick in the ass about this meaningless shit, and it ain't fair.

In closing, here are a few relevant quotes from the Bible that put a fine point on the rhetorical hypocrisy of the aforementioned religous quacks, Wright, Hagee, and Parsley, and which belie the very document upon which they purport to base their self-righteous faith:

“You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." (Matthew 5:38)

“Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all. Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, 'Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,' says the Lord. But if your enemy is hungry, feed him, and if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap burning coals upon his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” (Romans 12:17)

"Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God." (1 Corinthians 6:9)

Epilogue: That last one makes it sound like we're all fucked, doesn't it? I don't see the human author of the Bible singling out homosexuals at all. In fact, by damning the sexually immoral, idolators (i.e., those who worship money, sex, power), adulterers, thieves, drunkards, and swindlers, the human author of this passage is wiping out most of Congress and Hollywood, 66% of married people, you and me (let's face it, viewed under a harsh Biblical light, we're all sexually immoral), any child who ever stole a piece of candy, every town drunk, and yes, swindling and hypocritical religious fanatics like you know who.

But don't listen to me. Even the Devil can quote the Bible.