Who the hell decided to make Halloweens happen on a Tuesday night? Last year it was on a weekend and H. and I attended a fun but utterly bizarre costume party/burlesque show at a bar in Williamsburg. I went dressed as Napoleon and she went as some sexy, leatherbound catwoman/sadist. I am trying very hard not to remember how good she looked in her costume.
Since I am working this evening rather than celebrating one of my favorite events of the season, here is a short list of my favorite things about Halloweens:
1. Little kids in costumes. They look so adorable and this is by far my favorite part of Halloween. Even when I was younger, after I got home from my own trick or treating escapades, I used to love to answer the door with the candy so I could see the kids in their costumes and pay suitable tribute. Hopefully I'll get home early enough tonight to see a few.
2. The modern trend of women in slutty costumes. Sorry to put this one so close to the one about innocent children, but I'm a stickler for accuracy and this ranks as a solid number two in my book. Halloween now gives even the most chaste female an excuse to dress like a tramp for a night and show off her hard-earned assets from the gym. Trampy Little Bo Peep, Dirty Catholic School Girl, Naughty Nurse, Slutty French Maid -- may Allah bless all of you! Seriously, I wish we could work this into Valentine's Day and hell, why not Christmas? Okay, New Year's.
3. Dressing up in costume. I enjoy dressing up too. In past years I have gone as Clyde, from Bonnie and Clyde (Sister J. was Bonnie); Spiderman; a U.S. soldier; a mummy; a pirate; a skeleton; an evil monk (I grew a goattee the week before -- yeah, it only takes me a few days (cough) -- and painted my face red) and the aforementioned Napoleon. It's fun to be someone else for awhile. One year my mother tried to cajole me into dressing up as a woman. I can't remember if I went along with it or not, I'll have to ask her. Maybe I suppressed it.
4. Candy. Need I say more? As a kid I remember literally GORGING myself to the point of sickness on Kit Kats, Milky Ways, Snickers, and Watchamacallits after a night out on Halloween. Sister J. and I would compete to see who could eat the most. Have you ever eaten so much candy that you wanted to throw up? That was us every single year. If I did that now, it would take me at least six months to lose my candy gut.
5. Scaring the poop out of myself with creepy movies. I'm not a huge fan of the scary movie, but Halloween is the perfect time to indulge in a few. Some of the best ones in my humble opinion are the Hellraiser movies, The Shining, The Ring, and the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre, which creeped me out for days after I saw it. I also thought The Blair Witch Project was pretty good. I got lost in the woods behind my parents' house once when I was little, so it really hit home.
Oh and on television there is some Celebrity Paranormal show on Fox or some other channel that is a little scary too. The premise is that they take 4 or 5 "celebrities" to a supposedly haunted place, like an empty insane asylum or sanitorium to spend the night exploring and looking for ghosts. They wear these silly helmet cams that stick out two feet and bounce so it looks like the wearer is scared and shaking even when they're just walking normally. I go back and forth between being creeped out by the paranormal shit these people are supposedly seeing and laughing my ass off at seeing celebrities cry and run away scared because the Ghost of Nurse Betty, who hung herself in the hallway (or was she MURDERED??!!) 40 years ago wants them the fuck OUT of there! Good stuff.
Next year I will make sure I celebrate it properly, but for this year:
HAPPY HALLOWEENS EVERYBODY! BE CAREFUL OUT THERE TONIGHT, OR YOU MIGHT NOT MAKE IT HOME ALIVE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
5 comments:
Hey.. how come no comments lately? C'mon A / Bloggy... We need to support T.
I really enjoyed this post. Brought back lots of memories for me... sufficating in the plastic masks with the little mouth slits that would cut your tongue when you tried to stick it through. The rubber band that would break 3 houses into to your trick or treating extravaganza - Requiring that you would have to hold your mask in front of your face at each door, for the rest of the evening.
Kids these days have it so lucky with thier perfect, real fabric, little costumes.They have no idea what it was like when we were younger. Had to work a lot harder for those mini tootsie rolls!
Pretty good list. I definitely agree with your number one. But The Ring was a terrible movie, and not scary.
K,
fear not, we have not abandoned our dear little bloggy. Just been preoccupied with a little "on the one hand/on the other hand" situation. I have a sense that bloggy went through a similar situation a short while back.
Watching the little kids come to the house dressed up, makes it worthwhile leaving work on time. Just don't know when the older kids stopped dressing up. You should get home bloggy no matter what night it is because in our neighborhood, your house would have suffered the tricks half of the saying.
Did you get to see good ol' Jack play up the Shining the other night? What a great movie. The bathroom scene still gives me the woolies. Agree with Shan though, the Ring sucked big time. A dumb movie.
Bloggy, what are you trying to tell us? Scared of being in the woods? Talked into dressing in drag by mommy? A little Anthony Perkins here? By the way, another great movie.
A
K.,
I forgot to mention those old fire hazard costumes of yore with the sweat-inducing plastic masks and snapping rubber bands that were only held on by a staple on each side. It wasn't that the rubber band would break. No, the design defect was that one staple or the other would come unhinged, leaving you to trick or treat the rest of the night holding your mask with one hand. They don't make those costumes like they used to. Good call.
Bloggy,
Sorry to hear that there may be trouble in paradise, if I am reading the latest version of your coded syntax correctly. Just remember all those fabulous cliches about love (the grass is always greener, no one is perfect, when you know you know, be true to yourself, there are lots of fish in the sea (actually, by 2048, this may no longer be true), don't settle, etc.) and you should be fine. They all worked so well for me.
Never did make it home on time for Halloweens. Next year.
The parts of The Shining that creep me out the most are the two girls riding on the bicycles saying Redrum! Redrum! and when Jack has that flashback and meets the waiter in the bathroom and he convinces Jack that he really needs to kill his family. Is that the one you were talking about? I love that whole flashback scene.
Did I say The Ring? I meant The Rung. It was much scarier than The Ring and the plot was first rate. It's about these ladders that terrorize this small town in Maine. A Stephen King vehicle. You guys haven't seen it?
Well lucky for me, Bloggy, I don't live in your neighborhood. I have no doubt that if I did, you would induce severe trickery upon my homestead each and every Halloween. Of course, revenge is a dish best served cold and surrounded by three dozen Grade A eggs. And four rolls of Charmin.
Btw: which costume did you wear this Halloween, Bloggy -- Naughty Little Bo Peep, Naughty Nurse, Naughty French Maid, or Naughty Catholic School Girl? Inquiring minds want to know.
you are never too old to dress up for halloween. even when you have kids who have kids i think its important to still dress up to help set an example and at the same time gives you an excuse to act silly with those you care about. Its a time where you can show a side of a personality you may have been supressing and given the date, now have the ability to contradict your own suppressed thoughts and actions outright from all year, while showing the world. ...and chances are, you probably dressed like a woman napoleon.
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