Who Will Save the Children?

Boy, this story really chaps my ass.

In yet another example of draconian measures designed to protect little Tommy and Susie from the vagaries of childhood, an elementary school in Attleboro, Massachusetts has banned children from playing tag, touch football and any other "unsupervised chase game" during recess for fear that the little rugrats will get hurt and hold the school liable for their injuries. According to the school principal who approved the ban, recess is "a time when accidents can happen."

And these aren't the only kids games under fire. School administrators in the same town tried to take out dodgeball a few years ago, because it was "exclusionary" and "dangerous." So is life, isn't it? To make the game more appropriate for the fragile minds and egos of today's childrens, they changed the game to use softer balls, so it won't hurt so much when little Jimmy takes one off of his big, fat melonhead. And this particular school is allowing kids to reenter the dodgeball game after they've been taken out of commission. Guess that takes care of the exclusionary problem.

Give me a fucking break! What is wrong with parents and schools today? I hate hearing about the micromanagement of childhood and fear of litigation run amok. Kids are already adults before their time, now they can't even play tag during recess?

When I was a kid, we played touch football during recess and our gym teacher, Mr. Tufts, played quarterback for both sides. No one got hurt, and if anyone did, their parents wouldn't even THINK of suing the school. Goodness me, I remember watching two friends who were playing "Smear the Queer" (definitely not a PC game in today's society) run right into each other at full speed, hitting each other face first, because they were being chased and weren't watching where they were going. It was n-a-s-t-y. Both of them got concussions and black eyes. But their parents didn't think to sue the school. It was just an accident -- one of the inevitable side effects of being a kid.

Another time, when I was in the fourth grade, it was the middle of winter, and I ran outside during recess, full throttle, like a desperate escapee from "Prison Break." Unfortunately, the entire field behind our school was a sheet of ice because it had snow-rained the night before and the precipitation had frozen over the field. I wasn't chasing anyone; I just ran onto the ice field like a free-spirited fool. In my Fayva Olympian sneakers (remember those?). After three overzealous steps, I lurched forward and fell down on my stomach, with my hands splayed out in front of me in a vain attempt to break my fall. As H. used to say, I was agile like a LEMUR.

Some kid from the third grade class had been running right behind me -- now that I think of it, we may have been racing each other. As I was gathering my wits and trying to get back on my feet, the stupid shithead, who was wearing steel-toe winter boots with rubber heels two inches thick, landed full force on my right wrist with all of his weight. While I was writhing on the ground in agony, cursing the day I was born and suffering some of the worst pain I had ever felt, the moron kept running and didn't even look back.

I seriously thought I had broken my wrist. To make matters worse, I wasn't able to use my right hand for six weeks. (Since I engage in most activities right-handed, the potential ramifications of this particular injury are even more stark looking back on it twenty-nine years later. Thankfully, I was only 9 when this happened.) Stubbornly, I didn't go to the hospital or even to the school nurse. I sucked it up and then quietly suffered the consequences of my neglect. During the Cub Scout candlepin bowling tournament two weeks later, my wrist hurt so bad that I had to bowl left-handed. I suck so bad at bowling that I actually performed better left-handed and got a decent score. During my weekend basketball games in the local youth league, I was forced to dribble left-handed and couldn't even shoot the ball. Not being able to shoot made zero difference to my stats though. I never scored, even when my right hand was working properly.

The point is that these were growing pains. No need for silly school rules to protect us from ourselves. No need for lawsuits. I wouldn't have had it any other way.

Are we protecting kids with these ridiculous rules or ourselves? These policies will only teach kids that they are fragile and need to be protected at all costs, and if something bad happens to them -- even if it's of their own doing -- they are entitled to compensatory damages for their pain and suffering. Is this what we really want? Teenagers who will be even more spoiled and possess an even greater sense of undeserved entitlement, arrogance, and self-absorption than today's edition? Oooh, I can't wait.

We seriously need some common sense and legal reform in this country. Our government, legal system, and school administrators really need to focus a little more on preventing Johnny Nutjob and Ostracized Student from coming into schools with guns to kill people for no reason, and spend a little less time worrying about whether Susie Cutiepie's parents are going to sue the school if she skins her little knee playing Duck Duck Goose.