There have been more than a few nights when I've walked into my apartmento a bit piqued, a touch hammered, after indulging in nocturnal activities and getting my drunk on con mi compadres. Upon returning home, my living room spinning, I typically find myself (a) hungry; (b) not ready for bed; and (c) looking for some laughs. So after pouring myself a bowl of Lucky Charms, Fruity Pebbles, or a suitable alternative, I turn on the t.v. to see what's doin'.
On one such evening, after returning home and downing a bowl or two of LCs, I was flipping the channels, past the news, past the infomercials, past ESPN, past the always tempting Skinemax (okay, I lingered there for a scene or two, or three), and then something truly odd appeared on my t.v.: a talking box of french fries with dental braces and a goatee; a whiny, lazy milkshake with an attitude problem; and a small, reddish lump of hamburger, who was speaking in a garbled, barely discernible, helium voice.
Curious, I kept watching. I soon discovered that the three strange characters -- Frylock, Master Shake, and Meatwad -- were quasi-human fast foodies who live in New Jersey and comprise The Aqua Teen Hunger Force. They entertain by getting involved in all kinds of hijinks and by verbally ripping the shit out of each other in sadistic, sarcastic fashion. I have to say, the show is the perfect compliment to a 3 a.m. buzz. It's also an acquired taste.
Given how much I enjoy ATHF, it was with great dismay that I learned that Frylock, Master Shake, and Meatwad caused a major terrorist incident yesterday up in Boston. It appears the three have a big movie coming out in March, and some enterprising advertiser working for Turner Broadcasting Company thought it would be a great idea to plant 38 of these magnetic light movie ads around the city
as part of a "guerrilla marketing" campaign. The little characters flipping the bird are called Mooninites . As you can tell from the linked soundboard, Mooninites are condescending, offensive characters who live on the moon. In fact, they want us to know that they consider Earth to be their moon.
Yesterday's scare started when people discovered these things with batteries and wires sticking out of them and thought they were bombs. Nice job Turner! How fucking stupid can you people be? That said, the same ads appeared in New York and L.A. without incident. Either we here in NYC are driving on the Highway to Hell with our eyes closed, or Bostonians are a little too jumpy these days because the Celtics and Bruins suck and the Sox don't get started for a few more months.
Sad to see that Americans are now being terrorized by cartoons. Oh the humanity! Do even the 'toons hate us? Unfortunately, after this incident, I think we need to consider locking certain cartoon characters up as "enemy combatants" due to the threat they pose to this country. Here is a preliminary short list of potential 'toon detainees who should be imprisoned immediately, with the associated threat in parentheses: Tazmanian Devil (violent and unpredictable); Bugs Bunny (persuasive, rebellious, and mocking to the established order); Yosemite Sam (anger and resentment issues; carries unlicensed firearms and shoots them off without warning); Wile E.Coyote (has access to stockpiles of (surprisingly ineffective) weapons, rockets, etc. via his wholly-owned company, ACME Inc. Also engages in antisocial behavior, including the wanton stalking of Road Runner); and Shaggy (drug smuggler or user or both; unproductive slacker who hallucinates regularly and contributes nothing to society). Readers should feel free to add to this list, and by all means, if you see ANY cartoons engaging in suspicious activity, please report them to your local authorities immediately.
Frylock, Master Shake, and Meatwad could not be reached for comment on this article or the events of yesterday. Apparently, the CIA is investigating whether the three have any links to Al Cater, Hezbollah, or Iran. We here at M-A will keep you updated with all the latest news as this disturbing story develops.
1 comment:
Based of your list of potential toon enemy combatants.. maybe we should shut down Warner Brother's, as they all seem to be affiliated. Someone should be looking into their offshore accounts and shut the funding down. I would also like to add One tom (kat) and Jerry (mouse) to the list. All those frying pans!
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