The Dice Man Cometh

Well now everything dies baby that's a fact
But maybe everything that dies someday comes back
Put your makeup on fix your hair up pretty
And meet me tonight in Atlantic City

-- Atlantic City (Bruce Springsteen)



Do ya feel lucky, punk? Well do ya?

Oh, I feel lucky alright. Tres fortunato. I've been in what K. calls "Way of the Master" mode lately and me likey. I'm off to the Borgata in A.C. (the poor man's Vega$) with Shamrock this weekend to see how lucky I really am and to test my gambling ski-yous. Bringin' my rabbit's foot, lucky horsehoe, silver turtle, and lucky undies with me as my talismen. Seriously, how can I lose? My game? Craps. Gotta love the tumbling dice. Craps is a bit complicated and fast moving, so you really have to know what you're doing before you dive in and put some money down. It's been awhile since I played, so I'm going to have to consult the Oracle on the way down there. If you're feeling optimistic and you want to go with a positive vibe, you bet the "pass line" and hope Jimmy Choo in the Cuban shirt keeps hitting the point. If you're swinging negative and you want to cut against the grain, you go with the "don't pass line" and hope people keep crapping out. Then you got the hard eight (that's two fours, one of my favorites), hard ten (two fives), the Yo (an eleven, a one-roll play). Sucker bets all of them, but you have to play them once in awhile to keep things interesting. My problem in the past has been a bit too much of the drinky drinky -- the scantily clad yet dour waitresses ply you with free drinks the entire evening for obvious reasons -- and leaving too much cash on the table before some tool craps out. As in all things in life, timing is everything. If you leave your money on the table for too long, you're gonna get screwed.

And of course, one needs to set a loss limit, lest one start dipping into one's retirement fund for seed money. I don't want to be eating catfood when I'm 66, so I give myself a pre-set limit, plus or minus a few more here or there, or even over there. A backup plan is crucial too. Nothing sucks worse than when you hit your loss limit within the first 20 minutes of walking into the casino. I've been there and it tastes like poop on a stick. With booger sprinkles. So I've learned to have a backup plan, something to keep me busy when my pockets are turned inside out and I'm walking the casino like a homeless person. I think the spa and the bar are good backup plans. No, shiatsu and drunk expenditures do NOT count towards my gamble limit. I repeat, they do NOT count.

A.C. Baby!! A.C.!!