Oh, you thought C.A.C.A. was done with me. You thought I'd be home by now, newly-showered, smiling, strutting the humid streets of New York, back in the Cit-ay. So did I. But no. I dutifully showed up at Honolulu International Airport EARLY for my flight home last night, having timed my 6 pm flight back from Maui perfectly with my 9 pm flight back to New York. Got to the check-in line 2 hours before my flight. Everything was going smashingly. Until I tried to check in. The machine wouldn't recognize my name. So I spoke with a C.A.C.A. representative.
And. It. Was. Like. Deja-Vu. All. Over. Again.
Is it possible to get the Nick Cage face twice in one week? Yes, it is. Bottom line: when you miss your outbound flight, as I did from Newark last week, you apparently become a "no show" for the return flight back. And since I apparently went home to Brooklyn after missing my initial flight, instead of doing what most people do: book another flight to Hawaii, I was dropped out of the system. I disappeared. I no longer existed. And then they sold my return ticket to someone else. So, when I showed up at C.A.C.A. check-in last night, all tired, sunburned, and happy to be back in my own bed in 9.5 hours, C.A.C.A. told me that the system was saying that I had "No Value." (That's not a joke, I made them show me the computer screen). I think that's a perfect metaphor for how C.A.C.A. treats people. Like they have No Value.
After another hour wait at the check-in counter, with ample arguing and indignation on my part, I was told that the flight I was supposed to be on was full, and I couldn't get on. My options, after this second broomstick-with-no-vaseline treatment from C.A.C.A., were the following:
1. Buy a full-fare business class ticket on the same 9 pm flight the next night for a mere $1600.00.
2. Buy a full-fare coach ticket on the same flight on standby for a mere $1200.00. Standby means I might not even make that flight if everyone showed up.
3. Buy a full-fare coach ticket on an 8:30 p.m. flight to SF the next night for a mere $1200.00, connecting to Newark, NJ after a 6 hour layover.
4. Commit hari-kari with the C.A.C.A. employee's pen.
None of these options were palatable, for obvious reasons. But they had me by the short and curlies. I just wanted to get home, and they were basically telling me that I was going to have to pay a full fare, no matter what, the fuckers. Needless to say, I wasn't going to give C.A.C.A. any more of my money. So I called my best buddy, online booking expert, and erst-while travel agent, K.B., to help me out of this mess. Mind you, it was 2:30 a.m. in New York. But I somehow knew she'd still be awake.
With a soothing tone that reduced my pissed off tirade from a Tazmanian Devil/apopleptic, to a Yosemite Sam/fucking pissed but able to be reasoned with, K.B. booked me on a Northwest flight that leaves at 5 pm today, connecting at Minneapolis and arriving at LaGuardia (no Newark, which is a plus) at 10:30 a.m. tomorrow morning. I've never been to Minnesota, so I'm really excited about seeing it from the airport. As if that were not enough, she also booked me a hotel room in Honolulu, which is where I am as I write this. I'm quite grateful to K.B. for bailing me out, and I think I may now owe her dinner at her favorite Denny's.
To the rest of you, do me a favor. Boycott fucking C.A.C.A.
8 comments:
Denny's? what's Denny's? Did you mean Devi? or maybe ummmm Per Se?
Glad you are finally on your way home. Or maybe I shouldn't speak too soon! :)
wow. i love that airline, but may boycott them on your behalf. You should DEFINITELY write them mean angry letters on GT letterhead and tell them you ahve convinced your coworkers to NEVER fly them again. that oughta get their attention.
i'm feeling "queens beer garden" in the next couple weeks. keep that on your radar...
Totally. Brutal.
But at least the two sucky flight experiences framed a great time in Hawaii...
(great blog, by the way!)
Jenn
Hey T,
The poor Hawaiian ticket clerk was only doing his/her job. We all like rules and order don't we? Without them, what would society be?
And we thought only east coast people could be that uptight.
Glad to hear you are back on your way home.
N
@K - Denny's means Denny's. Haven't you heard of the Grand Slam Breakfast? You have no idea what a treat you're in for!
@KG - Thanks for the support. Some people I have spoken to about this like C.A.C.A. and despise airlines that have always treated me well, like Delta. Maybe my experience was an aberration, they say. Hey, I'm sorry people, C.A.C.A. has left such a bad taste in my mouth (ha ha) that I will never use C.A.C.A. again. Case closed. While I can't use legal letterhead in my imminent strongly-worded correspondence to C.A.C.A. -- ethical rules preclude it -- I can sure tell everyone not to use C.A.C.A. anymore.
I'm up for another visit to the Beer Garden asap. I had a great time there last time. Tell S. to leave her hipchecks at home though.
@Jenn - Thank you - welcome to the Land of Peurile Acronyms! You'll have to send me the link to your blog when you have a chance...
@Cousin N - it's nice to hear from you again, you stranger, you. I know how much you like Law and Order. And yes, everyone was just doing their job, of course, of course. But isn't part of doing their job being understanding when people miss flights (by a lousy 2 minutes) and doing everything possible to try to get them on their flight by: (a) pulling people out of long lines who have flights leaving within an hour (every other airline I've flown on does this); (b) not flirting with co-workers when people have planes to catch; (c) trying to convince co-workers at the gate to allow someone to check their bag at the gate, just like I saw Northwest (a decent airline) do when I flew back a few days ago, and just like most airlines do when bags are too big to fit in an overhead; and (d) above all else, ensuring that, even if someone was late, you treat them well enough so that they want to use your airline again? As a pro-business guy, I'm thinking you will agree that that's the bottom line, isn't it? It's not exactly like we don't have a choice of airlines. And the airline industry ain't exactly doing too well. You'd think they'd want to keep what few customers they do have.
So, dear cousin N., I think you're missing the point of my two rants. I'm all for Law and Order, but I was pissed that C.A.C.A. didn't do any of the above. They also exerted minimal effort to find me another flight to Hawaii when I "missed" my flight, and outright lied when they told me there wasn't another flight I could take that would get me into Hawaii early the next day. I had to call my office to get that flight.
And on the way back to New York, they didn't even have me in their fucking system and promptly sold my ticket, even though I'd already paid for it and was 2 hours early to the airport on Thursday night. Does that sound like Law and Order to you? It's the opposite of Law and Order. It's not giving a fuck about people.
And I'm still not convinced that the flight back to Newark was fully booked, either. The nice Hawaiian clerk who was "doing her job" told me that the flight was "really full." That doesn't mean completely full. It means "almost full." She was basically trying to get me to buy a full fare ticket, probably so she could get some stupid commission. So I decided to give my money to Northwest instead.
The upside about Law and Order is that it allows me to inform everyone about how shitty an airline C.A.C.A. is (along with USAir, the only airline that's worse), and how badly C.A.C.A. treats people. Anyone listening can decide to do what they want with that information.
Just doing my job. Boycott Fucking C.A.C.A.
What hipchecks?
I love the airline too, so it blows that you had such a miserable experience.
Hope you're well at home at this point and are dwelling on the good parts of your trip (hot chicks in bikinis, yada yada).
Miss you. Talk soon.
My dear cousin T.
I feel your pain, really I do. It is always reassuring when you realize someone else is getting the royal screw job as well.
Besides, by taking the side of the wonderful C.A.C.A. I get you to expound upon your anger a little longer.
Hopefully your next flight will be better. The real message here, though is to skip vacation and just work.
N
@AC - Well look at you with that sexy new picture on your blog... Watching those windsurfers on Maui made me appreciate how much fun the sport is and why you like it so much. If only I could tread water for longer than 5 minutes, maybe I'd get you to teach me.
@N - You're right. I played right into your manipulative hands, didn't I? Never leave the office. That's my new motto.
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