We're installing a new feature here at M-A: The Death of Common Sense Award. This ignominious prize will be given on an irregular basis to the individual, corporate entity, or country that demonstrates a stupidity so remarkable, so egregious, so absurd, that it has me running to my keyboard in the middle of a busy workday to decry the Death of Common Sense.
Unfortunately, common sense is an endangered species in this world and particularly in these United States of America, where every citizen believes that he or she has an inalienable right to sue anybody for any perceived slight, regardless of its triviality. Spilled coffee on your lap? Sue the coffee cup maker! You're morbidly obese but can't stop shoveling fast food down your throat? Sue McDonald's! You have low self esteem? Sue your parents! I love it baby, I'm a lawyer!
The M-A Death of Common Sense Award is intended to cast the bright, shining light of righteousness on foolish assholes who haven't a clue, so that the world can be reminded of how rampant litigation and the imposition of senseless and unnecessary rules and regulations are killing common sense and stripping all of us of the pure, unadulterated joy of living. (Here's another example).
SO, WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, THE INAUGURAL M-A DEATH OF COMMON SENSE AWARD GOES TO..... NEW YORK STATE SENATOR CARL KRUGER!!! He of Brooklyn, my district no less. Senator Kruger gets this award because he is about to introduce legislation that would ban New York pedestrians from using iPods, cellphones, and other gadgets while crossing the street. Violators would receive a $100 fine. Why do we need this important legislation, you ask? Well you see, three pedestrians in New York City have been killed since last September after stepping into traffic while distracted by iPods (or similar devices -- I don't know what these people were carrying). Because three people out of 13 million have died at the hands of modern gadgetry, we have a public safety crisis on our hands. We need to act and act now!
TELL IT TO THE PEOPLE SENATOR KRUGER!
“This electronic gadgetry is reaching the point where it’s becoming not only endemic but it’s creating an atmosphere where we have a major public safety crisis at hand.... [W]hat’s happening is when they’re tuning into their iPod or Blackberry or cell phone or video game, they’re walking into speeding buses and moving automobiles. It’s becoming a nationwide problem.”
Thank the sweet Lord Hay-soos that we have incisive political leaders like Senator Kruger who see a major threat to the good citizens of New York and are willing to stand up and take proactive measures to protect us from ourselves. I can't wait to see NYPD officers springing into action to corral and fine the millions of New Yorkers, including myself, who commute to work each and every day while plugged into their own private musical universe. They will be doing all of us a great public service while bringing a fresh influx of cash to the city's depleted coffers. It's not like the NYPD has more important things to do, like catch murderers, rapists, and terrorists.
Senator Kruger, for your courage and proactive quick thinking, you are the recipient of the very first Mind-Ambition Death of Common Sense Award. Even though this legislation doesn't stand a clean sidewalk's chance in New York City of passing, it's the thought that counts, good sir! Along with this award, you will receive an 80GB iPod, a lifetime subscription to iTunes and your very own Blackberry. And a swift, hard kick to the crack of your ass with a steel toe Caterpillar boot. Congratulations!
Now watch me get hit by a truck tomorrow while listening to "Karma Chameleon."
