Thursday, August 07, 2008

I'm Just Wonderin'

How a known obsessive, delusional, homicidal, suicidal, sadistic, manic, paranoid, diagnosed, vengeful, and seriously disturbed misogynist like Bruce Ivins was allowed to work for years and years at a biological defense lab testing deadly toxins like anthrax?

How scientist Steven Hatfill plans to spend the $4.6 million he got in a settlement with the Justice Department, after he was wrongly accused of causing the 2001 anthrax attacks?

Whether it's better to be a wrongfully-accused multimillionaire whose name is mud, or.... not.

How decrepit and weak our intelligence services really have become?

Where that $80 billion Iraqi surplus came from?

Whether it includes the $540 billion + in U.S. taxpayer money that's been spent on the war since 2003? (No.)

How happy I should feel that Bin Laden's driver is going to jail for 5 1/2 years after his "fair and balanced" military trial.

Who's currently using my stolen iPod and whether they're enjoying my painstakingly-arranged playlists?

Why Brett Favre had to come to New York of all places?

How many Facebook "friends" is too many?

Whether I'll ever meet half those people?

Or even two of them?

Who in God's name are the Jonas Brothers and why were there 1000 screaming, girly tweens camped out near Bryant Park tonight waiting for their crappy Today Show "concert" tomorrow morning?

Where The New Kids on the Block are these days?

Or Backstreet Boys?

Or N'Sync?

Or Take That?

How recycling the same tired, boy band with a new wardrobe and updated hairstyle still manages to turn generation after generation of young girls into screaming lunatics?

Why I didn't think of Invisalign first?

Whether I'm living under a capitalist plutocracy or a political oligarchy?

Where they find those unattractive, weird-ass people they show on HBO's Real Sex, and why I can't stand watching them be naked for longer than 10 seconds without gagging and lunging for the remote?

Why some things look better in black and white?

Why a stunningly boring game like golf is so popular?

And televised?

Why I always crave Fruity Pebbles at midnight?

Why, whenever I give in to this craving, I have nightmares and wake up dehydrated?

Why I just confessed that?

Why I can't end this list?

Oh. There.

1 comment:

K. said...

actually Tim - the driver is only getting 5 months. He already did the 5 1/2 years...but after all the hoopla, and years of fighting over whether he gets a trial, an attorney, access to all the evidence, out of Gitmo...in the end, after all the litigation, the guy was sentenced to exactly 5 months.

feel better? and safer? Glad we locked him up so long, aren't you?