Jury Fury

I haven't posted in awhile due in large part to my having been called for grand jury duty on March 6th. For the past week, instead of going to work, I've taken the subway down to the criminal courthouse on Jay Street in Brooklyn, and proceeded up the elevator to a nondescript courtroom where I've been performing my civic duty as an American citizen.

Most people run from jury duty. That's because it's inconvenient, disruptive to one's life, and often boring as hell. My service has been no exception. Many have asked why I wasn't able to get out of it since I'm an attorney and that's supposedly Jury Kryptonite. Um, no it's not. Time was, neither attorneys nor judges could serve on juries. That was a very long time ago, however. Now both can serve and in the State of New York, unless you've got a medical condition, are under 18, have committed a felony, don't understand English, or can demonstrate some major emergency or hardship under penalty of perjury, you HAVE to serve. So that's how I got here, jury service for 10 straight business days, from 10-5:30 or however late they decide they need us. And it could get extended beyond the 10 days (hopefully not).

I'm on a grand jury, which is not to be confused with a petit jury, the kind that decides who wins or loses trials. Grand juries decide whether or not to indict criminal defendants and the legal standard for doing so is very low: you only need to have legally sufficient evidence and reasonable cause to believe that a crime was committed. Contrast that with the "beyond a reasonable doubt" standard for a criminal trial and you can see that an indictment requires far less than a conviction. Hence the old saying: "A grand jury could indict a ham sandwich." Grand jury proceedings typically involve only a few witnesses per case, sometimes as few as one. Typically, defendants do not appear because they can be cross-examined and anything they say can be used against them during a trial. So most of the time it's just the prosecutor calling his or her own witnesses and then us voting on whether to indict or not. It's been an interesting experience, to say the least, and I thought I'd share a few quick thoughts on it, now that I'm halfway through my 10-day service.

1. There's a real mix of people on my jury; about as diverse a group of people as you could ask for: 5 Whites; 3 Asians; 10 African-Americans; 2 Latinos; and even a Native American, believe it or not. These are the ones I can remember. 23 were originally picked but a couple seem to have dropped off the radar somewhere. And with that kind of diversity comes a wide variety of opinions on things, based on life experience. It's not a perfect system we have, but it's about the best we can do, in my opinion.

2. My attitude about grand jury service has evolved thusly: Oh fuck, is that a grand jury summons?? This intro video is borings as hells, should I slit my wrists now? Damn my ass hurts. I agree, Wonder Woman is a lousy superhero, totally. But if they're making a movie, I think she should be played by Katie Holmes. No, not Angelina Jolie, for fuck's sake. I'm sick of her. Okay, Megan Fox is a fair compromise. When are we gonna deliberate on some shit? Whoa, did that guy just say he was punched/robbed/stabbed/shot? Why is that dude in a wheelchair? Oh. That's why. Damn. Remind me never to look at anyone funny. Or get into a bar fight. Oh my God, I can't believe I'm hearing this. I'd kill that motherfucker if he ever did that to anyone I cared about. Sick son of a bitch. I'm ready to vote right now. Do I really live in this kind of world? I guess I do. It's even worse when you see it close up. This jury shit is serious business.

3. That scraggly dude on the subway, the one with the dreads and crazy eyes, the one who looks like a drug-dealing, gun-carrying freak? Well, there's a very good chance that guy is an undercover cop. It is unbelievable how authentic they look.

4. That said, the drug war is a monumental joke. Drug bust cases comprise the vast majority of the cases we've heard and the amount of manpower, money, time, and legal resources devoted to rolling this large stone up a mountain is incomprehensible. There has to be a better way to deal with this problem. I'm more convinced than ever that the problem is on the demand side, not the supply side.

5. I hate to say this, and maybe it's not much of a surprise, but more than a couple of my fellow jurors are not taking their job very seriously. One of them routinely snoozes through presentations; another prefers to play with his Nintendo handheld than listen to testimony; and two routinely don't bother to vote at all, purportedly because we have more than the requisite 12 votes to accomplish something. It's really pissing me off. Since the first day, when we were given our marching orders by the Warden and his clerk, we've been unsupervised and it shows. One of the jurors has taken to playing his iPod earbuds over the microphone to give us some music of his to listen to. That's when he's not busy pretending to be on trial and testifying on his own behalf. This all happens during breaks of course and sometimes it's fun to break up the monotony, but some people don't know where the off button is when it's time to be serious.

6. The sex crime cases I've heard are heartbreaking and will be in my head for the rest of my life.

7. It is VERY easy to find trouble, even when you're not looking for it. Sometimes trouble finds you. Most of the time, it's far better to defuse potentially-ugly situations than escalate them. No joke: in one case, someone ended up dead because someone called a girl a fat pig and her friends felt the need to confront the offender, rather than just leave it alone.

8. Good people who live in bad neighborhoods have it much harder than anyone gives them credit for. Like you and me, they're just minding their own business, trying to make a living and get through life. But for them, even the mundane -- going to work, visiting a friend, going out for some food or a drink -- involves risk. I've heard many of these people testify about how they were going about their daily business, engaging in an activity that I do every day of the week, when something bad happened to them: they got robbed or stabbed or shot. People say that in America we all have the same advantages, that anyone who works hard can make it. It's not remotely true. If you live in a certain place and you're surrounded by crime and human garbage, it doesn't matter how smart a person you are, how great your parents were, or how hard you work, you've got a much higher bar to reach in order to succeed.

9. A couple of my fellow jurors, both African-American, were surprised to hear that I was an attorney. They both had me pegged as a cop. Now THAT's funny. Second time I've heard that in a month. Maybe I missed my calling.

10. A stubborn few of those on my jury keep confusing the role of a grand jury with that of a petit jury. They're acting like we're voting on guilt or innocence, rather than the sufficiency of the evidence for the purpose of an indictment. It's beyond frustrating. They forget that the defendant is going to have a trial, even if we indict, where many of their irrelevant questions about the case will be answered. We're not hearing from every relevant witness and we're not seeing every relevant piece of evidence. We're only seeing and hearing what the prosecutor feels we must in order to indict someone for the alleged crime. There is a BIG difference, but it's lost on too many of my fellow jurors. Maybe that's because they're too busy sleeping or playing Nintendo to pay attention to what they're actually supposed to be doing.

11. The defendants who have chosen to testify in the hope of avoiding an indictment have been VERY convincing. Seriously, these guys should be in Hollywood, they're such good actors. They're practiced liars. The one thing they have in common: none of them have looked at the jury when testifying. All of them have given their "statements" while staring straight ahead or at the prosecutor. I suppose it's easier to lie when you don't have to look at someone in the eyes. I wasn't buying what they were selling but I'll tell you, several of my colleagues are eating their b.s. UP. It's eerie to me how some people are such good liars. But I guess when you're trying to stay out of jail, freedom's just another word for nothin' left to lose.

12. The Assistant District Attorneys are a competent, if comical bunch. Most of them seem fresh out of law school and appear to be feeling their way through things. It's not too hard; most of them are reading from scripts and outlines. There have been more than a few times when a defendant had the balls to come and testify where I've wanted to stand up and try and do their cross-examination for them. Still, most of them are good and you can tell they care about what they're doing. We've given a couple of them nicknames. One guy has a real young face, floppy hair, and goatee. The first time he came in, someone said "He looks like he skateboarded to work." So now we call him The Skateboarder. Another one wears a scarf over his suit, a dubious affectation to say the least. I call him "Scarf Guy." A young female ADA came in the other day with a mod haircut and strangely cut skirt that I found inappropriate for court but which showed off her rocking legs. She held my full attention and I now call her "Legs." Another one had her zipper down during her entire presentation, an unfortunate circumstance that a tactful juror felt the need to point out in front of everyone. "You'll never forget me now," she said. She's right.

13. The world we live in is violent, painful, and sad. Forget Al Qaeda, North Korea, and Iran. A major war is going on right under our nose. People are suffering and dying every single day. Right here.

14. Love it or hate it, jury service -- particularly grand jury service -- brings one closer to the nature of man and the disturbing passions that drive people to do despicable things. It's voyeuristic, educational, fascinating, and depressing all at once. Next time you get called, I wouldn't try so hard to avoid it, you'll learn a lot about your city, your country, humanity, and especially yourself. You may not like what you see.