Free Write

This is free write, this is my way of trying to loosen my mind and shut up my critic. I don’t always feel like writing, actually I always feel likewriting but the story never matches what’s in my head and it pisses me off. I’m hoping that this is a way for me to shut up my head and let the images come. Writing is hard. I hate it. I wonder why I want to do it, sometimes. It’s easier to take pictures thatn it is to create cahcaracters and make them do things. I have stories I want to tell but I can’t get them in the shape I want them. It’s because I suck at this, but a lot of writers say they suck too and they just push on through, so I have to push on through too. Through too. It’s nice not worrying about typos and edits, though I still catch myself trying to fix typos. Then there’s my blog, wchich more and more is starting to seem like a cjob than a fun exdrcise. I need to do something about that, maybe take a break. I’m trying not to look at the screen as I o this but it’s hard not to. I hate making mistakes, I think that’s hwat’s holding me back the mose, I expect my stories to be perfcc the second they come out of my head. But that’s not how it works, is it? But it feels tood to do this to let go and just write, just fucking wwrite anything I want. What’s in my head? What to write about, sick things, dirty things, perverted t hings, things that pappen to people, nice pieople bad people, most of my characters suffer, I wonder why that is, I have this thing about not wanting happy endings, why is that? I think it’s because happy ending s strike me as too cliché and when I reace short stories the best stories don’t have tidy endings but they just leave you like whaaa is going on here. This seems easier than writing a story, I wish it were this easy to jut write whatever, maybe it is. So many people read stories about writing instead of writing, and it’s like whell if you want to be a writer, sometimes you have to write shit down, you can’t just read everything. Right write?

I hate running. Working out too, but one has to do it we can’t just let our bodies go to shit now can we? I hate it when =’m doing it how much time it takes how I have to squeeze it in how hwen I don’t I feel like shit, and when I do, I feel awesome after. I wish they could squeeze that feeling into like a ten minute thing you doand just compress it. There aren’te enough hours in a dayfor me, too fucking few. That’s what I hate most about this existence, how little time there is, there seems to be. 245 hours isn’t enough, and to think it’s all just a goddamn illusion, space and time time isn’t even real, we just think it is. How did it even start and how do I get more of it. I’d like more time please. And make my burger medium well and a side of fries and no, I’m don’t going to have the Coke I don’t really drink soda it rots your pipes. Have to go run now, maybe now that I did this I’ll feel like I accomplished something. They say it’s like scales for a piano player and let’s be honest, I haven’t been doing my xdercises now have I. I wonder if I posted 1000 of these entries how mnay blog readers I’d have left afterwards. On the other hand, maybe this would be more entertaining for people to read, on the third hand, who gives af cuk at the encd of the day, it’s all meaningless ins’t it. You think about death and how emporary everything is and itaactually calms you down. How can yo u make such a bitg deal of everything when it’s so temporary and nothing is important enough to last forever in this dimension. Well, that’s a happy note to end on, time to go run.