Thank Ye Kindly

Gratitude's kind of a funny concept. Being grateful, being thankful, giving thanks. How many times a day do you say "thank you" to someone? I say it a lot, I think. In fact, I put those words, or some variation, in virtually every email I send to a client, or to someone I'm asking to do something for me. In the client's case, I'm thanking them for who knows what -- half the time I wonder why I do it. I guess it's to appear polite, to soften the edge of a serious email. To the "underlings," it's basically a way for me to say "Please do this fucking thing for me, so I can do this other fucking thing for someone else. I don't want to look like a total dick when I end the message, so uh, THANKS." Ha ha. We aren't really thanking people when we use the word this way, are we? It's more of a social mannerism. We're smoothing over the rough spots so we get along. How does the saying go? You get more with sugar than vinegar? Or is it salt? I should try and remember.

I bring this up because here we are again, about to celebrate the uniquely American holiday of Thanksgiving. Who else but we could have come up with a day dedicated to the notion of being thankful. We don't "celebrate" it per se. That went out about 250 years ago. And it's not a holiday like Christmas or New Year's Eve where we exchange presents, or get rip-roaring drunk as we lament yet another anticlimactic start to a new year. No, for most of us, Thanksgiving is about two things: (1) eating like friggin' pigs, and (2) spending "quality time" with family, while simultaneously trying to avoid open acrimony. Nothing is more embarrassing than family fisticuffs on Thanksgiving. There you all are, trying to get along, sitting down for the annual saying of grace -- my family only pretends to say grace once a year, on this particular holiday, and 95% of the time, my father laughs halfway through it -- and then it comes. Some wise-ass in your family brings up some stupid thing you told them in confidence, or digs at an old wound from your high school days while you're chawing on your turducken, and all of a sudden, IT'S FUCKING ON, BA-BY!!!! Thanksgiving be damned!

Wait, I'm digressing, and I need to finish this so I can get my ass to the airport, where, no doubt, more sodomy from Crap Airline Du Jour awaits.

The idea of being thankful, which is what Thanksgiving is really supposed to be about (psssst, it's in the name!) has turned into a relic from the Olden Times, when the Pilgrims used to steal the Indians' corn and share it with the French and the British, who would be grateful for the kind gesture. At least, that's how I remember it from AP History in high school. I think I got a B+ in that class (Can I hear a Squanto?? Whoot, whoot!!). Much like Jesus Christ during Christmas, thankfulness during Thanksgiving is now beside the point.

But me, well, I'm old school when it comes to Thanksgiving. I like the idea of being thankful for things. Expressing gratitude for one's blessings is a truly humble act. For a borderline pessimist like me, it reflects an understanding that much of what happens in life is outside of one's control, and we should be grateful for the few crumbs we're lucky enough to have. I find the holiday a bit superstitious too. The mentality goes thusly: If I thank God, or Allah, or Y--eh, or the Creator, or the Big Kahuna for what I have, once a year, in front of a bunch of people at the dinner table, then the Almighty He, She, or It will keep the good times rolling for a little while longer. If you don't thank the Almighty once a year, you're taking a chance that you'll soon be on the fast track into Job territory: first you'll lose all your oxen, then your family will die off, then you'll get a nasty rash that won't go away. Who the hell wants that?

I didn't have a chance to do my thanking last year, because I was too busy singing Mr. Roboto in Tokyo and getting the Hirohito's Revenge in Kyoto, so in the spirit of Thanksgiving, here's a short list of things for which I am thankful this year of our Lord, 2007:

I'm thankful I wasn't born into poverty. People overlook this, but I never do. Three-quarters of the world's population lives in abject poverty, so the odds while I was waiting for my new incarnation were not very good. Somehow, I got lucky and ended up in the richest country in the world, at its peak of power, and so did most of you. Next life, who knows? Karma has a funny way of reversing itself, so I just may catch you in Bangladesh or Haiti the next time around. Make sure you say hello the first time you see me, because those Third World lives tend to end kinda quick.

I'm thankful for all the new friendships I formed this year, and all the old ones that I deepened. Some of you are sight unseen (for now); some of you I see every day (for better or worse); some of you I see rarely (but it's always good when it happens); and one or two of you know me better than I know myself (and you're not afraid to tell me). Friendships, like all relationships, take work and commitment. Not everyone is worth that effort, but more people are than I thought. I'm getting better at telling the difference and being a better friend myself.

I'm thankful for all of life's curveballs. This year has been bizarre in a lot of ways. I've never had a year where I ran head-on into so many complete strangers, intersected their lives ever so briefly, and then pinged off into the ether, never to see them again. It's truly been a karmic do-si-do in life's square dance. I'm sure there was a reason I met these people, but right now, I have no fucking clue why. I hate being bored though, so at the very least, it's been interesting.

I'm thankful for the opportunity to keep exploring and learning. Contemplating the universe, exploring reality and why I'm here, getting back on a spiritual path that isn't dictated by organized religion. All this and more. It amazes me sometimes how many people go about their daily life and never think about this shit. They wake up, go to work, make some money, go home, and do it all over again, without thinking of exactly why they're here. What's the meaning of all this? They couldn't care less. I'm friends with a few people like that (very few), and some of them are actually quite fun. I'm just thankful I'm not one of them.

I'm thankful that you bother to read my thoughts on a regular basis. If I wanted to write for myself, I'd keep a diary. Tree falling in the forest and all that. So, thanks. Yeah, I'm kissing your ass.

Happy Thanksgiving to all, and to all a pleasant digestion.