Brushes with Greatness

I find it funny how some people go gaga over celebrities they happen to see on the street. As if these people weren't made of flesh and blood like everyone else and didn't have their own problems, their own foibles. I suppose, though, that even for jaded types like moi, there's a celebrity or two, who, if you occasioned to run into them somewheres, would induce a special kind of manic euphoria, a tingling in the nethers. Because, let's face it, it's a bit strange to see someone famous walk right in front of you when you don't expect it. Living in New York, this happens more often than anywhere outside of L.A., so I've had a bit of personal experience with the Famous Person Encounter.

Which is why it occurred to me the other night, as I unexpectedly crossed paths with a well-known actor who was exiting my building with his two Chihuahuas in tow, that it might be fun to briefly catalog the famous people I've seen since I've been in New York for the past, oh, what's it been.... let's see, moved to Queens for law school in '92; moved to Manhattan in '95; moved to Brooklyn in '04.... That would be sixteen years. Shit, I've been here a long time.

So the way I'm going to do this is, I'm going to identify the famous person (persona famosa) and then tell you the approximate place and year that I saw them. I wish I could be more precise, but it's been too long and I never wrote this down before. I also wish I could provide you with more compelling celebrities instead of the B and C-List that appears below, but hey, I can't control who I run into. That's the universe's fault. Plus, randomness is the whole fun part of this exercise. For that reason, I'm not counting anyone I saw at a sporting event or a Broadway show or anything like that, unless they happened to be sitting in a seat near me. The sighting had to be random or it doesn't count.

Here we go...

Rod Stewart & Rachel Hunter, Central Park South, late 90s.


They walked past me and all I saw was the back of their heads. Rod was noticeably shorter than her, much shorter than he looks in this picture. From the back, I could see his telltale sprout of blond hair and I swear I heard him humming Do Ya Think I'm Sexy.


Don King, Central Park South, late 90s.


Is he still a celebrity? Borderline, at best. I saw him a mere few weeks after I saw Rod and Rachel, the very next time I found myself on Central Park South, in fact. Like UFOs, celebrity sightings happen in bunches.


Conan O'Brien, Patsy's Pizzeria, Upper West Side, mid-90s.


He had his back turned to me and was eating with friends. All I could see was the back of his head (again), but I knew he was there. And that's what counts with the FPE.


Famke Jannsen, Nobu, late 90s.


Saw her on my first and, as it turns out, only trip to Nobu. She was even more beautiful in person. You know those people who are so stunning that they literally radiate energy? That was her. I was with Shamrock; he got to stare at her our entire meal, while I got stuck looking at his starstruck mug. Not a fair trade, to say the least. Shamrock gets all the breaks. Hence his nickname.



Former Mayor Ed Koch, The Strip House, late 90s.


He's no Famke Janssen. Enough said.


Elle McPherson, movie theater, around 62nd Street, Upper East Side, early 90s.


For a long time, this was my greatest sighting, the one that gave me the biggest thrill and lowered me to the pathetic level of a common celebrity gawker. I was with Shamrock (again), I don't even remember which movie we saw. All I remember is that she was a total gnocca and reaaaally tall. Dagnabity. For years after, I convinced myself that she looked right at me and smiled. Could have happened.


Ann Coulter, 76th and 2nd Avenue, 2002 or 2003.



I could have lived without this one. She was having dinner al fresco with someone, not far from my old apartment on the Upper East Side. I almost walked up to her and swizzled her Chardonnay with my Big Bamboo.


John Lithgow, Central Park West, late 90s.


It was evening, I'd just gotten off the subway, and he passed me going the other way. He was wild-eyed and walking really fast, like he was late for something. He looked a little crazy, to be honest.


Kristen Davis, 77th and Columbus Avenue, walking into a bank.


She was walking a ginormous dog, it may have been a German Shepherd or a Great Dane, and I held the door for her as she entered the bank. She said "Thank you." A very pleasant celebrity interaction, I'd say.


Kyan Douglas, elevator in my building, 2005.


He lived here for awhile, and I ran into him a couple of times when he was going out to walk his dog. We made small-talk once and he mentioned something about moving to California. I swear he checked me out. Could have happened.


Bret McKenzie from Flight of the Conchords, Roebling Tea Room, Williamsburg, three months ago.


I was having a beer and reading the paper when he walked in. I did a double-take because I love the show and really couldn't believe it was him. He walked in, went to the counter to ask for someone, then promptly left with a small, bearded hipster posse trailing him like a bunch of lemmings.


Yoko Ono, SoHo, late 90s.


No joke, I saw Yoko Ono twice, on almost the exact same corner in SoHo, near West Broadway. Both times, which were about a year apart, she was sitting in the back of a car, I think it may have been a Jaguar, and was looking up in the sky. She looked a bit scared or confused, as if it was her first time below 14th Street. Bizarre.


Jerry Seinfeld and Larry David, Amsterdam Billiards, Upper West Side, late 90s.


I was with Shamrock, or it may have been my friend Scott, now that I think about it, and we were looking to shoot some pool together. We walked in, and there, at a distance were Jerry and Larry shooting a game of their own. Larry wasn't famous at the time. If it happened today, I think it would have been cooler seeing him than Jerry.


Michael Stipe, Mesa Grill, mid-90s.


I'm not proud to say that this is another time I got a little gaga over seeing a celebrity. At the time I was a huge R.E.M. fan, having followed them since I was in college. And there, by the bar, was Michael Stipe, with his signature shaved head, having a drink and smoking a cigarette (back then, you could still smoke by the bar). Mesa Grill is (or was) a nice restaurant, but he was dressed like a slob, in a torn maroon tanktop and chinos. He totally stood out but didn't seem to care. My girlfriend at the time urged me to go up to him and say something, but I wouldn't do it. That would have violated my Prime Celebrity Directive. Don't bug them unless you're just being polite. Still, it was cool seeing him.


Anna Nicole Smith, Bloomingdales (or Macy's), 1992.


I remember this because I was in law school at the time. Shamrock, A., my other roommate, and I were living in Queens and decided to take a study break and go to Manhattan. We pop into Macy's or Bloomingdale's, and lo and behold, there's ANS doing a little picture and sign deal. The other two got their picture taken with her while I watched. I think one of them still has the picture. Probably worth a couple of bucks now. Shit, I should have had my picture taken with her when I had the chance. Damn Prime Directive.


Federico Castelluccio, 2005, Italian restaurant in midtown


I've written about this before. We were having dinner to celebrate Sister T.'s birthday and he was sitting at the table behind us, talking to some friends. Sister J. collared him and made him sing Happy Birthday to Sister T. with us. He was a really good sport.


Adam Goldberg, my building, Sunday night, with the Chihuahuas.


He lives here; I've seen him a few times. I'd just come in and he was walking these two tiny dogs. One of them tried to pull away to give me a sniff and he gently yanked it back after giving me the dude, chin up head nod. Seems like a nice guy.

I left out a couple because they're unconfirmed. Shamrock claims that we saw Johnny Depp once at Scores, but I don't frequent such places, so I simply don't know what he's talking about. Another time he says we saw John Cusack at some bar, but I don't remember seeing him, so I can't list it.

There you have it, my brushes with greatness. I don't feel stupid listing them like this. Not at all. I'm sure each of the above celebrities has their own list of Brushes with Nondescript Civilians that includes me. Fair is fair.