Quick Hits

Let me make sure I understand this. Somalia is a failed state, mired in poverty, overrun by weapons of every stripe and color, has thousands of miles of unguarded coastline and is conveniently located near major shipping lanes, and people are surprised that piracy is rampant in that country? No guns or soldiers to protect millions of dollars in cargo? Didn't anyone see Black Hawk Down? C'mon.

Damn those Navy SEALs are good. Seriously, they're badass. The whole time I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. You had to know that someone on those battleships was waiting to take a shot, the only question was whether Phillips was going to make it out alive. Thanks to those SEALs, he did. He was lucky too. If those three pirates didn't happen to show their heads all at the same time, if there was even a single one of them left in the boat with Phillips, he'd be dead or still floating in that lifeboat.

Is it true that there's a mountain of garbage the size of Texas floating in the Pacific Ocean? I sure hope not, but my money's on "yes."

Went to NH for Easter this weekend. Took my 8 year-old nephew on a drive to Best Buy, Barnes and Noble, and Chris' Comics. Put him in the front seat of my car and buckled him in. He said "Uncle Tim, isn't it against the law for me to be sitting in the front seat like this?" I was like, I don't think so, you're seatbelted in, we've got airbags, I don't see why we'd have a problem. He didn't seem too satisfied with my answer, and had plenty of questions about how airbags work, when they get deployed, and what would happen to him if that should occur. I fielded all his ground balls and threw to first. When I got home, my mother told me he was right, that if kids are not of a certain height and weight (my nephew, like me at his age, is on the smaller side), you have to put them in a carseat in the back, or use a booster in the front seat, otherwise you can get a massive fine and if there's an accident, even go to jail. Of course, I did neither. I had no idea. C'mon, how often do I have kids in my car? The funny part is that he knew it and I didn't. Score one for the 8 year-old without the college education and law degree.

I know I'm getting a taste of the "Daddys" when we get to Best Buy and instead of taking my time gadget-surfing, I breeze through the shit I'm interested in and spend more time with him walking through DS games and Pokemon DVDs. I also found myself excessively concerned with how bored he was waiting for me to be done looking for radar detectors and Rock Band drum kits.

It's April 2009, over five months after the November election, and Al Franken still hasn't taken the Senate seat he won in Minnesota. After yesterday's big court victory though, he's one step closer, finally. He's the first non-N.Y., non-Presidential candidate I've ever supported with hard currency, so he'd better do me proud and not be Mr. Funnyman for the next 6 years.

Cuba's callin'. Looks like Obamar is going to loosen the restrictions on traveling to Cuba. About fucking time. I can't wait to visit. Of course, much of the cachet of traveling to Cuba will disappear the second we're allowed to go. If I want to see fat Americans walking around in flower print shorts and floppy hats, I'll go to Florida. Maybe once the old embargo is gone, there should be a new one imposed on clueless American tourists. Haven't the Cubans suffered enough?

Um, can someone explain to me how Goldman Sachs and Wells Fargo are earning major profits after supposedly needing taxpayer bailout money not too long ago? And once you're done explaining that, can you tell me whether I should be happy or sad about this? Talk about redistribution of wealth. Why is it okay when the redistributed wealth trickles up but not down? I know why: because the United States is an oligarchy and our economic policies favor the rich. There, that was easy.

Guess that trip to Thailand is on hold for awhile. I don't do civil war vacations. Or "local unrest" vacations. Or "anti-government" demonstration vacations. Not my bag. All I want, all I NEED, is a long sandy beach, a warm sun, and a prettysomething to rub oil on me. Awwww yeeaaaah.

Add this to the list of shit to worry about: Clostridium difficile, a contagious and potentially deadly bacterium. According to the New York Times, health officials estimate that in the United States the bacteria cause 350,000 infections each year in hospitals, with tens of thousands more incidents occurring in nursing homes. It kills an estimated 15,000 to 20,000 people annually. And surprise, surprise, the disease is often helped by antibiotics. "The drugs wipe out the targeted illness, like a urinary tract or upper respiratory infection, but they also kill off large portions of the healthy bacteria that normally live in the digestive tract. If a person comes into contact with C. difficile, or already has it, the disruption to the beneficial bacteria creates an opportunity for the harmful bacteria to flourish." Keep on overmedicating, people. Superbug, twelve o'clock.

Speaking of losing weight, those calorie signs they have up at McDonald's and Wendy's? They're kind of effective. It's one thing to order a Quarter Pounder with cheese and surmise that you're not helping yourself healthwise. It's quite another to see that a QP w/C, medium sized french fry, and Coca-Cola will inject 830-1100 calories into your guttus biggus. That's negative reinforcement alright. Kind of takes the joy out of gorging. You know how long it takes to run all those calories off? Me neither. As soon as I'm done eating my Quarter Pounder, I'll figure it out and get back to you.