Pig Paranoia

This swine flu insanity is driving me batshit. Seriously, I can't take it any more. People running to drug stores and emptying them of Tamiflu and antibacterial soap, mind-numbing news "updates" about where the swine flu is, where it's going, how long it will take to get there, debates over whether it's an epidemic or a pandemic (Do YOU know the difference? Bet you don't.), stock footage of old epidemics that killed hundreds of thousands of people, reach stories lamenting the death of a single toddler in Houston (He visited a MALL dontchyaknow! Hundreds could be infected!), more stories about who's gonna die and when, shots of a Mexican kid who had the first known case -- they now call him "Patient Zero," foreign countries limiting travel to the U.S. and Mexico, school closings in Queens and Brooklyn regardless of whether any students were actually infected, a Vice President saying he wouldn't be taking any subways or planes right now, oh, there's a retraction, hundreds of pigs slaughtered in Egypt, which hasn't had a single case, offended Jews and Muslims who want the name changed from swine flu to something else, racists who want to call it the "Mexican flu," people who aren't eating pork even though eating pork doesn't cause swine flu, and last but not least,

THE PIGS, THE POOR, FUCKING PIGS!

Blamed for a virus they did not, could not, create by themselves. A virus that could just as easily be blamed on birds and the biggest a-holes on the planet: human beings, who bring birds, pigs, and humans together to cause these airborne plagues. Humans are the real culprits here. So why not call it the human being flu? Or the homo sapien flu? No, instead, they blame cute little piggies, who were minding their own business the whole time, eating whatever they were fed and frolicking in mud and pig doody. Have we sunk so low that now we're going to scapegoat the Charlottes and Piglets of the world for this virus? FOR SHAME!

The hysteria is comical. I mock it. I've been mocking it on Facebook and I'm mocking it here. People are freaking out over nothing. It's the flu and a fucking mild version at that. You get it, it makes you shit like the dickens for a few days, maybe you puke a few times, get a fever if it's a nasty slice, and eventually you feel better. For the average person, this is no worse than the common flu that kills X many people each year. But because it's NEW and it comes from SWINE, we're supposed to worry, panic, and run around like chickens with our heads cut off. Sorry, I'm not buying it. I'm doing what I always do. I ride the subway, I hold the pole, I wash my hands when I get to work, I napkin bathroom doorhandles and don't shake the hands of gross-looking people, which is about 2/3 of New York City. That's just common sense. I don't need CNN to scare me out of my Calvins to use the brain that God gave me, for goodness sakes.

This kind of silliness has happened before you know. It happens every time the media tells us to be afraid, but courtesy of the website Freewilliamsburg, which I link to on the right there -----> I found this gem from the 70s that made me LOL heartily. Take a gander.



Poor Betty. Or was it Dottie? "Hey, I play golf every weekend!" Love those ominous sound effects too. Fortunately they're all actors and likely died of something else.

The point here is, the media sensationalism is worse than the virus. It's designed to make money and scare the shit out of people so they'll keep reading newspapers and watching the news and buy Tamiflu and batteries and water and Cipro and whateverelse. Be not afraid. Be smart instead. Take a deeeeeep breath. Relax. You're going to be okay. Chances are you won't get it, and if you do get it, you'll survive. The alternative is far worse. You could make yourself sick with worry and weaken that immune system of yours. Then you'll probably get it and don't say I didn't warn you.

Trust me, when Ebola or a reasonable facsimile someday goes airborne and your eyes, hair, and skin are literally falling off and you're begging for it all to be over, THEN you'll have something to worry about. For now, it's just the fucking flu. Get over it.