Showing posts with label Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Show all posts

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Iran, the Beautiful


I said a few entries ago that I was following the Iranian election with considerable bemusement. After the events of this weekend, it's safe to say that I'm now following post-election events in Iran with considerable captivation. Hundreds of thousands of people protesting in the streets, risking their lives to dispute a presidential election that looks, smells, and tastes like a fraud. (We Americans know an electoral fraud when we see one.) In all the years since the Iranian Revolution in 1979, I never believed that there were so many Iranians who were so disaffected. First, it should be said that notwithstanding everything that's happening there right now, Iran is a democracy, arguably the only democracy in the Middle East besides Israel. People get to vote for their leaders, though in this case their choices for president were one of 4 men handpicked by Ayatollah Khamenei. They also have the freedom to assemble and voice their protest against the government, though there are limits to that right, as we're seeing before our eyes. There's a Constitution and a Parliament, both of which must adhere to Sharia, or Islamic law.

Is Iran a perfect democracy? Of course not. Khamenei, or whoever occupies the position of the "Supreme Leader," controls the security apparatus and the armed forces, and has the final say on the candidates who run for office. Women in Iran are still second-class citizens when it comes to politics, education, and employment. Many of the freedoms we know in the U.S. don't exist in Iran. But let's give credit where credit is due. Iran is a credible Islamic democracy, with Islamic rules and limits. The fair comparison is not to the U.S. or Western Europe. The fair comparison is to Arab countries like Saudi Arabia, Egypt, and Syria, where there are no elections, even sham ones, and where royal families and political elites retain power in perpetuity and rule with an iron fist.

For all of its warts, Iran is a sophisticated, though evolving, democracy. This weekend we saw its limits and how far it needs to go. We saw police in Darth Vader riot gear, looking every bit as ominous as the movie character they resembled, cracking down on protesters, who themselves were becoming increasingly impassioned. Jittery cell phone videocams recorded screams, tear gas, fires, people running away, people shot, people lying on the ground bleeding. A young Iranian woman, "Neda," who'd been marching peacefully with her father, was shot and died before our eyes. Her final moments were recorded and posted on YouTube: blood trickling out of both sides of her mouth, her blank eyes staring at the sky. It was graphic and shocking to see. This young, anonymous woman achieved a tragic fame in death that she never could have dreamed of in life. Much like the students who were killed at Kent State, Neda was a casualty of political anger and spiraling violence. While the names of the Kent State students are long forgotten, YouTube has ensured that Neda's never will be.

What's happening in Iran is truly inspirational. People literally dying for their vote in their own country. People who know that they are taking their lives into their own hands when they hit the streets decked in green. The Iranian police and paramilitary squads have to be shocked at the size and ferocity of the crowds they are seeing. But the tide hasn't stopped. To protesting Iranians, their cause is worth the risk of death.

America used to be that way. Americans used to protest things, stand up for what's right, stand up for fairness, justice, and the American way. And we used to do it en masse, not with a trickle of hippies in Birkenstocks and tie-dyes, but with a FLOOD of people of every stripe, color, and creed. The March on Washington. The Vietnam War protests. The 1968 Democratic Convention. Kent State. But that was all in 1960s, and early 70s. We don't do that kind of thing anymore. Certainly not over an election. I mean, fuck, the 2000 election stolen by Bush was grounds for a sizable protest with some yelling and "hell no" chants, wasn't it? Do you remember one? I don't. The 2000 election was as fraudulent as the 2009 election in Iran, but when it was finally over, and Bush took power, you heard nary a whimper out of most Americans. Okay, maybe at cocktail parties and on some news shows, but on the street? NOTHING. It all blew over by Christmas. Americans take to the streets over one of THEIR elections? You must be joking. There's football to watch! Thanksgiving turkey to eat!

Oh, I find it hilarious how outraged our Senators are that one man, Ayatollah Khamenei, the "Supreme Leader" of Iran, gets to decide the result of this election. In 2000, nine people (actually five) on the United States "Supreme Court" decided that Florida should have no recount, effectively handing the election to Bush. In Iran, the judge of last resort is Khamenei. Here it's a partisan majority in the Supreme Court. Really, how different are they? Maybe Gore should have fought the 2000 result like Moussavi is doing. Maybe he should have had his own Green Revolution. Too late, sick fate.

Historical digression: It bears mentioning that Iran had a more secular democracy once. A democracy without Islamic law and clerics and Assahole-ah Ayatollahs. In 1951, the Iranian Parliament selected Mohammed Mosaddeq as Prime Minister. MM was a normal dude, he wasn't a cleric or anything like that. The problem with MM was that he wanted to nationalize Iran's oil, you know, so the IRANIAN PEOPLE could benefit from their own natural resources. Britain didn't like that because well, see, they wanted Iran's oil to benefit the BRITISH PEOPLE. So in 1953, Winston Churchill convinced President Eisenhower that MM was going all Commie on us. Eisenhower didn't like Commies. No one likes Commies. But everyone does love oil. Iranian crude. Black gold. Working together, the British and American intelligence services effected a coup d'etat and overthrew poor Mosaddeq. Code name: Operation Ajax. I shit you not. They literally "cleaned things up." Out went the bad Commie democrat and in his place, UK/US installed an old reliable monarch, Reza Shah. Reza and his son, who took power after his death, were a 20th Century versions of the Saudi royal family. They ruled Iran with an iron fist while ensuring the free, non-nationalized flow of Iranian oil to Britain and the United States. Just say "no" to nationalization!!! Unless of course American banks and insurance companies are failing, then say YES!!!!

The point of this brief history lesson is that things blew up in 1979 when Iranians took their country back, deposed the Shah, and installed an Islamic theocracy. One has to wonder if Britain and the U.S. had left well enough alone in 1953, let Mosaddeq stay in power and allowed Iran to evolve as a secular democracy, whether we'd ever have seen self-righteous pricks like the Ayatollah Khomeini and the Ayatollah Khamenei running things 30 and 50 years later. I think not. But short-sighted American foreign policy often leads to this kind of blowback. See Exhibit B: Mujihadeen, American support in Afghanistan, 1979-1990. Today, Iran seems to have strayed from its revolutionary ideals. That's the problem with revolutionaries: once they take power, they get so addicted to it that they come to resemble the very autocrats they overthrew in the first place. Now the Iranian religious police and secret service are as thuggish as ones the Shah used to use to retain his power. But, history repeating itself the way it does, young Iranians, who make up the vast majority of the population in that country, are chafing under Islamic law and absurdly conservative rules that require women to wear the hijab and treat them as second class citizens (not good odds when women make up 65% of the Iranian population).

Young Iran wants change. It wants freedom. It wants better relations with the West. And they're willing to die to get it. The other half of Iran? The half that voted for Ahmadenijad? It likes things the way they are and thinks Mahmoud and Khamenei are doing a wonderful job standing up to the West and keeping Iran in line with its Islamic ideals. So there's a political split in Iran, you might say it's a red-state-versus-blue-state divide.

Sound like any place you know?

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Things I Think I Think On September 20, 2007



I'm glad they Tase'd him, bro. Anyone who watched the video and doesn't think that spoiled, wannabe, melodramatic, annoying fuck wasn't pandering to the cameras to promote his own douchebaggery is blind and stupid. It's laughable that this tool has now become a cause celebre for police brutality and some cop is probably going to lose his job over this. Andrew "Don't Tase Me, Bro" Meyer is a great example of the spoiled and self-absorbed pricks who currently occupy our universities on Daddy's dime. Better put more money in my 401(k), this country's going to be in the toilet in 20 years. Actually, I remember more than a few dinks like this when I was in school, so nevermind.

Speaking of douchebaggery, O.J., welcome back, my brother! For one night at least, you slept in jail, which is where you belong. How ironic that you may get more prison time for a botched robbery than for the cold-blooded murder of two people. Someone should Tase him, bro. A few times.

How petty has the United States become? The leader of Iran wants to go lay a wreath at Ground Zero and we refuse to let him. This is the international equivalent of taking our ball and going home. How silly. Yeah, he's a dick. But we've got our own dick as President, don't we? Actually, our Dick is Vice President; we've got a Bush as President. Sometimes our Dick gets inside our Bush and that's when we get an orgasm of problems, like the Iraq War, sweetheart deals for Halliburton, and the evisceration of our civil rights. But I'm digressing again.

Yeah, Iran's causing problems in Iraq, Syria, and a lot of other places. But is Iran doing anything the United States hasn't done first? We've certainly caused our share of problems in other countries during our history. Here are a few examples of the places we've invaded with our armies, our CIA, and/or our money: Iran, Iraq, Nicaragua, Cuba, Mexico, Panama, Haiti, Somalia, the Philippines, Indonesia, Venezuela, Vietnam, Guatemala, El Salvador, Lebanon, Ecuador, Chile, Korea, and Cambodia. And we're criticizing Iran for meddling in other countries' affairs? Talk about the ass calling the finger stinky. They're just doing what we've been doing for the past 100 years. At least Iran stays relatively close to its own borders.

Sure they're trying to develop nuclear weapons. But we do not occupy the moral high ground in this area. We invented nuclear weapons and have thousands of them stockpiled. Chemical weapons too. And... biological weapons too. "Oh," you say, "it's okay if WE have them. We're a NICE country. We only want what's BEST for the world. Some of those other countries are BAD countries. They do BAD things." That's all a matter of perspective, folks. I don't think most of the world agrees with that point of view. Most of the world thinks George Bush is more dangerous than Osama Bin Forgotten. That's sad, and it shows you how far we've sunk. Oh and by the way, we're the only country that's ever USED nuclear weapons. And we look the other way on nuclear proliferation when countries we like acquire them. You don't hear us complaining about Israel having nuclear weapons, do you? Or India? Or Pakistan? (That last one scares me way more than Iran.) Do those countries have any more right acquire to nuclear weapons than Iran? Why exactly? Iran understands that the United States would think long and hard before it attacks a country that has nuclear weapons, so it's understandable why Iran wants them too.

I know it's not a popular view, but if Iran's nutty professor wants to visit Ground Zero and pay his respects on behalf of the Iranian people, sincere or not, we should let him. What would it cost us? Iran's younger generation is very pro-Western and is chafing under all the stupid rules instituted by Iran's religious leaders. It's only a matter of time before moderates start occupying positions of power in that country, so less, not more, separation between our countries is what's needed here. Snubbing Ahmadinejad, a democratically elected leader, only makes us look like the arrogant fucktards we've been acting like for the past seven years. And even worse, it makes that whackjob look like a victim. Smart move, America!

Besides, people shouldn't forget that Iran actually condemned the 9/11 attacks and was initially helping us in Afghanistan when we invaded six years ago. They only changed their tune after we stupidly invaded Iraq. Uh, can you blame them? How comfortable would we be if we had the Chinese Army occupying Canada and Mexico and building military bases on our borders? It's time we started putting ourselves in the shoes of the countries and leaders we say we despise. Maybe then we'll adopt a foreign policy that plans beyond the next five minutes and does more good than harm.

Damnit, Kyla Ebbert's outfit was NOT too skimpy to fly on Southwest.
Give me a friggin' break. That's what she's wearing and they throw her off a flight? Puh-leaze. There's no cleavage there and hardly any skin. Indeed, I've seen skimpier Christmas Party outfits on some of the secretaries -- I mean "assistants" -- who work in my law firm.

I'd like to know who the hell complained. It had to be a woman. Probably a busybody who reads Quilting Weekly and hasn't been laid in a decade. Damn sure no straight man groused about that outfit. Or even a gay man. Actually, check that. A gay man may have tried to have Kyla thrown off the plane for bad taste. Either way, why can't people mind their own fucking business?

I don't mean to go off on a rant here, but I'm SICK and TIRED of the anal a-holes who always play the victim and who think they can boss everyone around because their hypo-allergenic sensibilities have been offended by something that the average person doesn't give a shit about. Let's round these hypersensitive jerks up and stick them in Ethiopia for a couple of weeks and see how offended they get when they can't find any food or water. Man, these people chap my ass! And I love how the airlines pander to these Human Nerve Endings instead of doing the only thing we want them to do right: take off and land on time. And I also love how every time I fly, I NEVER sit next to someone who looks as slutty hot as Kyla Ebbert. No, instead I get Stank Canker, the 350 lb. frequent flier from Milwaukee who smells like warm salami and three-day old Cheetos.

The "Jena 6" Situation. What a clusterfuck. How does a simple assault and battery get charged as an attempted second-degree murder? That's idiotic. And how in the world does the racist beating of a white kid justify a "March for Justice" led by the Revs. Sharpton and Jackson? What about justice for the kid who got beat up? Seems to me that those protesters are overlooking that someone got their ass kicked here. According to Jackson, the little scamps who did it should only get "probation." I wonder if he'd be supporting probation if the colors in this story were reversed. I wonder how big a protest there would be if it was six white kids who attacked a black kid and put him in the hospital. Oh, it would be bigger alright, but for different reasons. They'd want a LOT of jail time and how! And The Jena 6? C'mon. We're not talkin' The Chicago Seven here. I'm just glad no one got Tase'd bro, or we'd have had ourselves a riot down there. Long way to go on race relations, pee-pull. Long way.

On the bright side, at least someone's protesting something in this country. Tens of thousands dead in Iraq and hundreds of thousands murdered in Darfur and you don't hear a peep.

Fall is here, and I'm as happy as Jeremy Piven in a Catholic, all-girls high school. This is my favorite time of the year, by far -- the time of year when I really miss living in the Shire. Brisk, clean air, the leaves are changing, Halloween parties, hay rides, bobbing for apples, the whole nine yards. Down here in NYC, the perks of fall aren't quite as fantabulous, but I'll take them anyway. No more heated city stench wafting off the concrete. No more sweatin' to the oldies on the subway. No more sidewalks packed with Eurotrash and Midwesterners. A nice clear path until Thanksgiving. And we've got our outdoor beer gardens (including one that's coming to the 'Burg this month), our Spa Week, our Village Halloween Parade, our Feast of San Gennaro, and our Film Festival. Best time of the year. Speaking of which, I got myself a hankering for a lager right now.....